Seduction (original!) - Chilled/eerie, acoustic/synth/strings etc

Hello all

First original in AGES.

Had a bit of a mess around on garageband - keeps me amused for hours!

https://www.soundclick.com/bands/pag...m?bandID=273523

Lyrics

They talk a little less
Use their eyes a little more
Her skin, his fingertips
Dark secrets in the hall

A kiss upon the stairs
A whisper in her ear
Trapped between the wall
And him, who pushed her there

She makes a quick escape
Playfully laughing
As she runs
He twists her by the arm
Forces her to look at him
And she is gone

He takes her to the back
Puts one arm around her waist
Faces cheek to cheek
As they begin to sway

To the music of the night
Of owls and rustled leaves
Heavy sighs in the moonlight
Dance their way through the breeze

Her fingers linked in his
She shivers
As he pulls her close
His mouth on her own
She closes her eyes
She is won

https://www.soundclick.com/bands/pag...m?bandID=273523

Would love to know what you think

Thanks!!

 

LOL, did you copy paste the link from an old IGT post itself? It doesn't work coz of the '...' in between..

This works:
https://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=273523

EDIT: Lovely song, nice lyrics and nice feel to it! I'd have kept the volume of the guitar track a li'l louder though. The ending sounds great : )

 

Great vocals and lyrics...loved the guitaring...nice.Yeah,the ending was nice too..reminded me of the intro of Punjab by Karunesh...sweet So I repeat: great work..

Is it "she is won" or "she is one"???

 

I totally agree with i'm_not_neo, great work, its a pleasant to listen to such a wonderful job, you did a wonderful job Fatima, keep posting!!!
Great vocals as the guitaring was good too, is this song sooo short??

 

Thanks for sorting that out cryptic angel

I'm not neo - it is "she is won" - as in by him. dunno if that makes sense lol

and yeah it is quite short - its not really a conventional song in terms of verse, chorus, bridge etc - but then none of mine are heh.

Thankyou so so much for listening and taking the time to comment Muchly appreciated!!

 

tht was really nice one.ur voice sounded very sensual which added tht extra bit to the song coz of which it sounds more beautiful!!!!
u girls r damn good. u and tht other girl arwa. really impressed!!!!

 

Pretty cool.

Though I had something else in my mind, when I read the lyrics ( I hadn't heard your song till then)

 

Infact I would say - I didn't like the ending.
The strings in the ending ... makes the song end on a morose note. (IMO).

Almost like as if the girl didn't want it to happen, and is now reminiscing what she didn't really like.

Its all IMO though.

 

On second thoughts, the ending 'sounds' nice, but yeah, like alpha said, it doesn't really go with the lyrics.

In fact, I could say that for the whole song :s

I like both the melody/guitaring and the lyrics if considered seperately!