Hi, I was bleeding in the pouring rain trying hard not to cry every drop mixing with blood tearing the pain apart Something somewhere left hollow feelings were still there Neither too deep nor shallow inching slowly towards me It doesn't hurt any more I m too tired to feel it again Slowly making my way out Standing alone while I shout All emotions are gone It was too full and now bursted I am still strong like an iron With the only difference, I'm Rusted. ~Bish.
re:bish tera bhi no reply mera bhi no reply. chal tera ek reply ho gaya.say thanx. waisa poem bura nahi hai,mera toh tujhse bhi bura hai.mera wala ek bar dhek liyo.
You know the metaphor is obviously great..execution seems to lack intensity,but the mere concept seems to shout what you wanted to say.If you'd just been a bit more expressive,it'd work like a charm but it's good the way it is too.
The first two lines remind me too much of living on a prayer for me to like this. Try being more original with metaphors. concepts can be the same.
hmmmm.. thanx 4 ur feedback.. i too agree it was not so good intensity wise.. might be its too loud also.. but i really liked it somehow because the ending two lines came up well.. anyway will take care of all the points u mentioned and try to come up wid something better.. *cheers*