Rise You're praying for a better day I'm dreaming of what this day could have been My yesterday has flown away The setting sun, it puts my dreams to sleep. I follow them into the deep A sinking ship as time does slide downstream The time it flows as life does fade Diving into what if's abyss. Too many men I have seen drown Their un-lived dreams drifting into the dark The world deals man the poorest hand We're in the hell of which we much do fear. I walk into a brighter day As you dream of what this day would have been You've lost yourself in yesterday Failing to see you've made today the same. As many have before you done You fade away beside the falling sun The sun will rise from where it fell Darkness will sleep far from the light. You run away from a clear truth You see the world as what it does for you Become the change for which you pray Now is time to rise like the setting sun. Zafar Sacranie
I'd never be able to write like this..seriously its good to read someone elses work this is good work Zafar the thoughts seem crystal clear and the construction is quite appealing to me Do be regular in sharing your work.. what does your name mean.. its a sickness..i ask that to everyone : i like knowing the meaning of names
First off, I'd just like to give thanks for the great positive feedback and the reps That's funny that you'd ask about my name Bubbly because I do the same. A lot of people really don't know what their names mean, so I just look them up on the internet Zafar means victory or victorious. Thanks again for the great feedback, I'll try to get some more of my work up soon.
good tht its been discussed b4 me getting into the discussion here.....otherwise i wud hv askd the same question :grin: the first thing i ask aftr 'Hello'...cos m too lazy to search for it on the net : bout the poem??? it was really good....& yea, u do deserve reps for this keep posting :beer:
AWESOME.... :nw: WELCOME TO IGT! u r gonnna enjoy here pal! ok now... i seriously think we should get the help of our PROPER guitarists on this site and make songs and we could MAYBE get a CD of MIX artists ONCE A yeaar... ANY MOD READING THIS... take this INTO CONSIDERATION... i think i'll post this idea in the feedback forum too....
Zafar, you are Zafar in making people spell bound! Still, you have to consider some things in the poem. I didnt like the flow, though loved some of the thoughts. e.g.,...The setting sun, it puts my dreams to sleep. There's no relation i guess, and how the dreams are put to sleep??Do you mean, you cant dream anymore? If so, the very next stanza onwards you seem to describe a dream... After all this, there's a beautiful stanza Last line. Dint like it. How to rise like a setting sun? Now this is not a discouragement. Rather, how good or bad i could understand. One person or his mind cant be understood by his/her writing. If I am wrong anywhere, i have no qualms and you too dont have, do tell your views.
Thanks for the great feedback. As the writer, it's always easier for me to understand my writing and like you said, your understanding depends on your own individual perspective. That being said, the line which doesn't make sense to you makes perfect sense to me. Meaning the dreams fade with the light of day, they're sinking with the sun. This can be explained by a previous line: "The sun will rise from where it fell" Because the setting sun always rises again. You also point out the contradictions from when the poem begins dreamlessly, and is followed by the voice of a dreamer. This is a valid criticism, but if you read carefully you will notice that the poem is channeled through two polar perspectives, two seperate narrators. All that being said, I'm very appreciative of your constructive criticism. Thanks, Zafar
Re: Rise by , Zafar Isn't it amazing how each person interprets what they read differently? I saw "dreams" as asperations, often time Life makes you set your dreams aside(to sleep) to take care of the day to day businness of living. Only to "rise again" when you have time to devote to your personal life & aspirations once again. The dream never dies , only sleeps. Am I even remotely close? LOL Hell'n
