Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Zafar, Jun 15, 2006.

  1. Zafar

    Zafar New Member


    You're praying for a better day
    I'm dreaming of what this day could have been
    My yesterday has flown away
    The setting sun, it puts my dreams to sleep.

    I follow them into the deep
    A sinking ship as time does slide downstream
    The time it flows as life does fade
    Diving into what if's abyss.

    Too many men I have seen drown
    Their un-lived dreams drifting into the dark
    The world deals man the poorest hand
    We're in the hell of which we much do fear.

    I walk into a brighter day
    As you dream of what this day would have been
    You've lost yourself in yesterday
    Failing to see you've made today the same.

    As many have before you done
    You fade away beside the falling sun
    The sun will rise from where it fell
    Darkness will sleep far from the light.

    You run away from a clear truth
    You see the world as what it does for you
    Become the change for which you pray
    Now is time to rise like the setting sun.

    Zafar Sacranie
    Garima and apurbajd like this.
  2. apurbajd

    apurbajd ~#$&*$@*^$

    Nice thoughts! Well written too... reps ...
  3. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    I'd never be able to write like this..seriously
    its good to read someone elses work
    this is good work Zafar
    the thoughts seem crystal clear
    and the construction is quite appealing to me
    Do be regular in sharing your work.. :)

    what does your name mean..
    its a sickness..i ask that to everyone :eek:: i like knowing the meaning of names
  4. Zafar

    Zafar New Member

    First off, I'd just like to give thanks for the great positive feedback and the reps :)

    That's funny that you'd ask about my name Bubbly because I do the same. A lot of people really don't know what their names mean, so I just look them up on the internet :p

    Zafar means victory or victorious.
    Thanks again for the great feedback, I'll try to get some more of my work up soon. :D
  5. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    good tht its been discussed b4 me getting into the discussion here.....otherwise i wud hv askd the same question :grin: the first thing i ask aftr 'Hello'...cos m too lazy to search for it on the net :p:

    bout the poem??? it was really good....& yea, u do deserve reps for this :)
    keep posting :beer:
  6. #iR@


    AWESOME.... :nw: WELCOME TO IGT! u r gonnna enjoy here pal! :)

    ok now... i seriously think we should get the help of our PROPER guitarists on this site and make songs and we could MAYBE get a CD of MIX artists ONCE A yeaar... ANY MOD READING THIS... take this INTO CONSIDERATION... i think i'll post this idea in the feedback forum too....
  7. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    that was truly wonderful poem..!
  8. Sharmontime

    Sharmontime New Member

    Zafar, you are Zafar in making people spell bound!
    Still, you have to consider some things in the poem. I didnt like the flow, though loved some of the thoughts.
    e.g.,...The setting sun, it puts my dreams to sleep.
    There's no relation i guess, and how the dreams are put to sleep??Do you mean, you cant dream anymore?
    If so, the very next stanza onwards you seem to describe a dream...

    After all this, there's a beautiful stanza
    Last line. Dint like it. How to rise like a setting sun?

    Now this is not a discouragement. Rather, how good or bad i could understand. One person or his mind cant be understood by his/her writing.
    If I am wrong anywhere, i have no qualms and you too dont have, do tell your views.
  9. Zafar

    Zafar New Member

    Thanks for the great feedback.

    As the writer, it's always easier for me to understand my writing and like you said, your understanding depends on your own individual perspective.

    That being said, the line which doesn't make sense to you makes perfect sense to me.

    Meaning the dreams fade with the light of day, they're sinking with the sun.

    This can be explained by a previous line:
    "The sun will rise from where it fell"

    Because the setting sun always rises again.

    You also point out the contradictions from when the poem begins dreamlessly, and is followed by the voice of a dreamer. This is a valid criticism, but if you read carefully you will notice that the poem is channeled through two polar perspectives, two seperate narrators.

    All that being said, I'm very appreciative of your constructive criticism.

  10. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    good work man....Now is time to rise like the setting sun..accha hai....
  11. Hell'n Wheels

    Hell'n Wheels New Member

    Re: Rise by , Zafar

    Isn't it amazing how each person interprets what they read differently? I saw "dreams" as asperations, often time Life makes you set your dreams aside(to sleep) to take care of the day to day businness of living. Only to "rise again" when you have time to devote to your personal life & aspirations once again. The dream never dies , only sleeps. Am I even remotely close? LOL

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