Ride On...

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by rev, Jun 28, 2005.

  1. rev

    rev New Member

    A River Too Wide

    Ride on prince charming, ride on.
    Pass this stony tower, my prison
    Slay not these dragons, my captors
    Just ride ahead, prince, ride ahead.

    Though you be a noble prince
    In search of a princess to free
    Trapped in a tower like the one I'm in,
    Ride on prince charming and let me be.

    Though I may be a princess fair
    and have been waiting long
    for a fair prince like you to come free me
    I urge you, please ride on.

    So don't look at me and not understand
    that we're not meant to be
    and that is why I urge you prince,
    ride on...... and let me be.
    Subhro likes this.
  2. Nanda

    Nanda Bassist

    Hey thats a cool avtar u have there ... Hobbes ....
    The work is good but .... The first line of every para is bad ..... And the line "please ride on." didnt really get on me...
    Overall its nice stuff except that it lacks consistency ....... Looks like u got a great idea and started writing... finally u ran out of them "The last para is kinda meaning less..."
  3. rocking_devil

    rocking_devil Banned

    hahahha.well sounds a little wierd overall u see.it sounds more like a kiddy story like that of shrek going to save a princess.only thing you mixed urself into the picture.
  4. rev

    rev New Member

    sigh....it pains the most to explain once work..... Anyway, Thanx Nanda and Devil!
    The princess is confused about a lot of things. But she's sure about one thing and that is....even though everything seems right....somethings amiss and.... Oh! I don't know! Figure it out. I didn't exactly write it with the aim of having to explain it. It's just a poem....
  5. rocking_devil

    rocking_devil Banned

    yeah i get it .even i have come up with dozens of such poems when i had sytarted writing lyrics.some f them you read you will die of laughter.so, idont post them to keep away from critisising.
  6. Nanda

    Nanda Bassist

    Hey my review might make u think i write some great stuffs ... I write stuffs tht are probably not good as this .. just check out and u'll know ... when we right we never get to know the flaws ... But Keep writing, thts the way u'll improve ...
  7. esgallindeion

    esgallindeion Minstrel Knight

    Nice one, rev... I like your conceptual poetry... simple imagery often works much better than bombastic vocabulary, as you so often show...

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