Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by astroguru26, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    for me sister
    and mother bundle of joy
    my home seems like heaven on earth
    envy place for neighbours
    everything seems so beautiful
    so natural.....

    even dad passed away
    penury i never faced....
    no hard days..
    each moment is like bliss
    my stubborness all yielded postive result
    for me...
    i know my sister is there for me...
    always have answer for my questions..
    my neccessity to have things to be happy...
    she will arrange if it involves money...

    dearest sister.....
    working overnight somewhere unknown to me...
    meticulous and always smiling
    like never to die spirit....
    bold and very dominating attitiude..
    family loving manners..praiseworthy..

    i feel the responsiblity
    as brother to see her married and have her family
    one day
    police knocked the door....
    she was caught in racket busted
    invloving flesh trade
    she was kingpin......
    earning for me and for my ailing mother...

  2. UjSen

    UjSen *#!EVIL*!!

  3. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    That's some theme there.

    But not very well-written I'm afraid.
  4. UjSen

    UjSen *#!EVIL*!!


  5. UjSen

    UjSen *#!EVIL*!!

    u want prostitution to be legalised??????????????
  6. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    This is what I felt you should do: Try to put more work into writing your poem rather than just thinking up a hard-hitting theme.

    Your poems just put the theme across. That's it. Not really in a way that would touch me or make me think. It just simply puts it out there.

    That was just my opinion, so I hope you won't get offended by it.

    @ujsen... say it all in 1 post dude! If you wanna add smthng right after u posted, use the EDIT button!
  7. UjSen

    UjSen *#!EVIL*!!

    ^^^^i like multiple posts>>>
  8. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    huh !..dont tell me i need specs!
    Dont tell me i'm seeing things
    But did two posts jus change or should i say interchange!!:shock:

    coming to the poem
    its a good theme Rohit
    the language may seem very plain
    but it isnt bland and u can spice it up if you Want...
  9. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    still day i will put the theme across......
    thanks for reading..........
    conclusion results in thinking about offended..i hate conclusion.....
    you have the right to judge..........continue it.....
  10. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    Boohoo. Get over it.

    Multiple posts (without a proper reason)= spam.

    Stop it. Increasing your post count isn't that big a deal.
  11. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    still long way to spice ever the poetries wriiten are just at editing and u can feel that themes are not well said and all..half cooked ......

    i simply open the new thread section..and write the poetry....dont look for pen and paper to let the idea grow.......( i have been advised take the pen and paper make the idea more grow through imagination..time constraints...sorry..professional life)
    thats why..the blueprint is always classic and raw too......

    you can knw what i rough this is blueprint and raw copy for you all..............
    thanks for reading......once again
  12. UjSen

    UjSen *#!EVIL*!!

    I AM NOT INCREASING MY NUMBER OF POSTS!!!!!!!!!!!:mad: :mad:
  13. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    firstly i'm sorry for making it sound like a was unintentional:eek::

    i very well know what your saying..
    its good to write impromptu and the feelings or whatever one may name it also are very fresh...
    you could take more time and make it better..
    not that this isnt good..
    but if you put some more effort..
    this classic could be a masterpiece

    All the best!
    God Bless!
  14. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

  15. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    ya i saw that movie ....main naam bhool gaya vo juda ho ke bhi vaali ......vo saif ali ki wife to acchi khassi thi .... ye sab masty karten hain ;) one should say beer bars be banned ..bombay jaane ka maan hi nahi karta ..hahaha
  16. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**


    I understand that you wrote what came in ur mind without bothering too much abt the vocab....though i do get what u wanna say but poem luks very ill organised...can be worked on...
  17. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    yaar, start mein toh mein senti ho gaya lekin last lines nay waat laga di.

    satyay ko satyay he rehne do, kadwa hain chupa rehne do.

    i didn't liked but yeah good humours frm Ujsen >> do u mean pros sgud be legalised... i like multiple post ...hehehe LOL.

    @maduresh, yaar i never went to those beer bar.. are they kool?

    anyways :beer:
  18. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    @sachooo....beta bahuut acchi jagaha hai jaroor jana humare liye photo kheech lana...pooja archana jyoti shradhaa ke saath saath shaanti free milti hai...hahahaha.....main to andheri recommend karuunga ;)
    sab teerath baar baar
    ek baar bear baar.....
  19. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    :RollLol: hehehehehe.... damn it... too good boy..... nahi yaar main yahan he accha hoon n they r closed banned now. Maloom chala ki Andheri gaya aur andar ho gaya :p:

    weekend ko ghar par he achi hain thandi thandi chill :beer:
  20. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    this is same attitude ...keh den ge....:)

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