me. :)

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Petunia, Mar 1, 2008.

  1. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky


    I sit and let myself go-in the eternal realms of darkness and lost dreams
    Reaching, wanting, hoping to grasp the last strands of a something that soon became a nothing.
    I close my eyes and let every breath become a memory-every memory become a moment-every moment become the past.
    Could it be so easy?

    I sit and wait-for a chance to take it all back,
    Probing, feeling, praying to relive a few wisps of a something that soon became a nothing.
    I sigh and realize that life goes on and that maybe you've looked past me.
    Could it be so easy?

    Will you ever glance at me the same way again?
    Forgive me for my sins, and try your luck again.

    Will you ever take the hint and smile the same way again?
    Will you tingle and swell? Burst with emotions? Laugh that delightful chuckle?

    Because i have sat and bled.
    Learned my lesson and prayed for it to go away.
    But alas, its not the same,
    And I want you...Like you wont believe.


    its just putting it out there, i dont do much with my typed out thoughts, but then i thought why the hell not. lol. considering i spent a few minutes writing this, i think id expect more criticism for let it come, folks. let it come.
    vini likes this.
  2. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    yes,typed out state of mind..i guessed so!

    good one..thanks for sharing ur work
  3. anshphenomenon

    anshphenomenon Rape me :boff:

    u couldn't have said it better than that.
  4. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    *did not hunt this one down*

    Honestly,the first 3 lines were a bit cheesy for me..but I guess everyone does feel the same way.The last line of the first stanza caught my attention.The second stanza would be on similar lines but equally effective.
    The rest of it was of course well written.But more importantly you have this style that I often envy in people.You seem to say a lot with a few words.Not that this one was "short" but you've skipped all that HAS happened yet hinting what may have happened.A lot is left to imagine.And I'm glad you don't really care to rhyme.

    (Would like to know the titles of the other ones you wrote if you don't mind)
  5. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Somehow it made me re-live the terrible stuff i experienced few months ago.
    Thankfully, niot anymore.
  6. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    @im not neo: lol..i dont remember the ones that ive posted on here.. i think one of them is called "life is good"..

    when i rite, i am not interested in the rhyme scheme.. rather poetry is a way of expressing the suppressed. And my aim is to give just enough to the reader, so as to arouse that interest in interpretation.. it allows them to "relive" their experience...*takes alpha1 into account*.. without being limited to my experience. thanks for your insight. :)
  7. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    As I said,I envy you.
    I think that's a gift.Some people tell stories in their poems and some make poems out of their stories.You should write more often or should I say post more often?
  8. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Ah, damn you! Thats one thing I dont wanna remember. Or perhaps, it just makes me laugh.
  9. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    The first part of it was intriguing and really nicely written. The second half was perhaps a little literal? Now you've got me curious as to what this is about though.

    You paint pretty pictures with words.
  10. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    why thank you hun.
    yea i guess some of it does become literal.. thats my problem i think, i dont think i care.. depends on the intensity of my mood/writing.

    ;) thats something ill leave you to your imagination...

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