Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nimisha, May 1, 2006.

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  1. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    tender touch.. turned fierce..
    his dead eyes.... my soul got pierced..

    scorching stare.. and truth lay bare..
    but too late to realise, in the name of love..
    lust was hidden somewhere..

    a lust, sinfull desire just..
    i never dreamed, life could get so worst..

    chastisement for my blind faith..
    which left me feel nothing but a numb piece of flesh..

    his inertness for my every cry..
    i closed my eyes, and i wished i could die..

    but every word was strangled..
    every scream was tied..
    amputation of my innocence.. i could feel by my side..

    every thump, every thrust..
    skin wounded, mind bruised, soul in disgust..

    and animosity, i could bear no more..
    turmoil of thoughts.. perplexion at core..

    when emotions burned to ashes..
    i turned myself into lifeless carcass..
    not to feel anything.. but let this nightmare just pass..

    slowly from my mind, every thought escaped..
    i felt nothing..
    while i was raped..

    can u feel numb???.. coz that was the soul purpose for writting this..
    share the first thought coming in ur mind..after reading it..

    dont forget to comment bout poem too..
    spell checks, grammar corrections are always welcome..
  2. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    Nimisha... couldnt resist but post that your attempt was wonderful ... but it lost its essence in your forceful attempt to make it rhyme at places.

    Well I am sure the SOLE purpose of the poem was not to make others go numb... but to just make them realise the pain of the wounded soul of a rape victim. :)
  3. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    did u jst turn into astroguru? :shock:
  4. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    shit this was pungent

    GAnda Chee chee ....

    Aisa kuun likha ?
    bjr likes this.
  5. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!


    I'd give u reps but i have to spread some before that
  6. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    thats what i meant..

    there is difference between cheapness and naked description of truth..
    if anybody feels this attempt is cheap..
    or resembling someone..
    tell me in PM..
    if valid issues.. thread will be deleted
  7. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    hey nimisha, plz dont mind but then tht's really bad otherwise they r fool not to understand a diff between Lover n Rapist (not the rap singer..LOL).

    I really dont want to jump in but didnt realized the idea behind the poem, howevr again i say tht lovely piece as always (after "first kiss" :)) n really touching coz it was offensive to boys :p: hmm rather :aggre:

    oh yes wat came first to my mind, When Rape is inevitable.......ENJOY IT... ;)

    sorry :(, m dirty at times... :RollLol:
  8. DrSaurabh

    DrSaurabh Wh@+s Up D0C

    the world thrives on sensationalism
  9. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    ^ hey noooooooooooooooooo
  10. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    Nice try....
    wont comment...cos m sure this would be just a lil bit of what one go thru when raped... this is somethng that no1 can explain except the victim....
  11. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    i think as a piece of art the work is SIMPLY GREAT....
    Reps added girl
    and these unusual reactions r the living proof
    most wiered as usual from me and our bhatakti-aatama (CrYpTiC_aatama)

  12. abhimanjrekar

    abhimanjrekar ----&gt; Zhol-Man&lt;----

    ye poem likhne ka thought kidhar se aaya tereko.......???????......nimi...????
  13. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    Jesus H. Christ ...... wats wrong with u gals....
  14. guitarangela

    guitarangela gran'ma

    ^^^, arre, garry didnt mean it in a bad way...that's why she said it is "kinda" like what a real rape would be...so the original feelings can be accurately expressed only by a victim....
  15. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    Galti bandi ki khud hai ......she should have said ....
    write ur comments half an hour later .......
  16. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    yes indeed the trauma through which the victim undergoes is extreme so i do agree with garima...but nimisha u have done justice in expressing the acute torment poetically.
    very good..reps if i can!
  17. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    OK, I'm gonna be serious now.

    The poem isn't good IMO.

    This is a subject that has to be dealt with very delicately. The poem was too blunt and it was obvious u wanted it to be kinda "in-your-face", which is not a good idea if u want to poetically deal with such a subject. It's a bit too literal.

    Don't take this personally, but I feel that to write a good poem on the subject u chose, a very high level of maturity is required. For me though, this poem just did not suggest that.
  18. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    :confused:....Thanks AJ for defending me on my behalf.... :eek::

    I hope I dint hurt anyone's feeling here....with whatevr i said :p:
  19. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    or m walking on the clouds.

    ek ladki nay kuch likha which makes sense otherwise bloddy victim, victim (evn garima n vini).... but the poem is not bad..

    n still i think kisi ko poem samzh mein he nahi aayi hain.. read it again..

    >> hmm actually i think i m stupid as evr.. but pls dont remind.. plzzzzzzz :beer:
  20. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    i thnk i neva said that the poam is bad.....it was a gud poem a nice try to rite somethng....but as i said this is just a small %age of 100....
    & yea....as u r insisting(that u hv understood the poem & no1 else)...do u mind explaining it to others.....

    waiting to read the explanation......:cool:
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