bomb ripped through the market saw bodies flying high... burnt and charred beyond idenitification.. beauty goes into oblivion in few seconds scars forever in the mind.... standing in a moment of complete eerie after the deafening sound looked for the lucky ones.. survivors crying for the loved ones passers-by running for water to extinguish the fire pedesterian running for hospital with severe burns on its own.. me too.. survived the doomsday with blood on face walking through dead bodies searching my toddler..just three years old crying on top of voice to help me...plz i got one ..finally cannot identify in the darkness took her in lap and waited in sideways thanking god for letting her see again.. suddenly one survivor brought one baby not taking breath.... eyes open and blood oozing out pronounced dead i saw mine holding in my lap then to that baby.... i can idenitify that was mine... by the pendant hanging of my wife's name... i became poor emotionally once again... without wife and baby... rohit astroguru26
though the expression was carved the right way but ....kuc missing tha..... and for the thought....THESE terrorists r digging thir grave by putting bomb in temples.....i think they didnt had a look at history, this civilisation of ours retialiate's only if touched here...mrenge saale...bajarang-bali ki jai
u keep ur reputation going well... sad things.. well expressed... good concepts... n turning points at the ends... .........................................love your style..
yes nimisha, i concur*, all well said, but the poem is not justified with the title. i mean, the title doesnt indicate or reveal anything of the poem. am i wrong in asking this..?? ..seriously not trying to be humble but bit eager to know of the poem being titled as such. as for the poem, as usual...HATS OFF for your concept((s) even previous were nothing less!!!) mind blowing thoughts....unusual pattern of poetry... tacare.. -------- * copied from one previous post in another thread...i guess no copyrights...: jus using a new word learnt
Nice theme AS ALWAYS. Am not really a fan of your 'style' though. Doesn't do justice to the themes you choose IMO.
Alright, let's see now, since i liked your theme, i'm going to give you a split analysis. a)First up, what's with the title bro? I dont think it relates at all to the poem, i know you were trying to come up with a "sting in the tail" twist, but you fail to achieve it using the title. b)The theme, here's where i give kudos to you, you obviously think quite a bit to come up with your themes, well, that's good. c)The poem itself. First up, your grammar is all over the place, i can understand free style poetry, but you stretched the liberties a bit too far than one can handle. Also tying into this is the problem that your sentences dont flow into each other, it looks like a forced story narration from a prisoner being tortured. And it never follows a certain rubric, that was a let down as well. All in all, the theme was good, but you need to work a LOT on actually expressing your thoughts using words.
thanks for giving time to read and encourage me though your constructive criticism........ i like your comments....... rohit astroguru26
sadistic approach of poetry doesnot create ripples....even though i am addicted to that some extent of my style.... while writing cosy themes..i go overboard and bored too..... justice....is the big word......and noone can be satsified ..i feel..there will be something always balance...... rohit astroguru26
hope nimishaa's comment given you the idea of what i want to express...... you liked my themes enough for me......thats the success.. rohit astroguru26
sooner or later everything is funny and forgotten..... the approach of themes is sadistic...as far as i know and justice to the themes is better judged by readers even something is balanced....after then.. good to see your comments........... rohit astroguru26
^how is it sadistic? you like to see people suffer? And where did 'funny' come from? Whatever I ask, I do 'coz I'm genuinely curious.
suffering in poetry is theme..i am watching it as i am sufferer too here.. as fas as funny is related...look for those incidents made you crazy when it happned and aches you too much..and with time..u seem to have forgotten all.........if not let the age pass.....then my words will have some meanings for you..... rohit astroguru26
^then 'sadistic' is definitely not the right word. And funny also doesn't fit. Even if something's long gone and forgotten, I wouldn't laugh at such a serious matter. However, I got what you meant to say, so I guess it doesn't matter which words you used.
Just one line, and most of the poem wasnt about poverty, it was about an emotionally destructive incident, in my humble opinion it isnt nearly appropriate. @astroguru, always bro, let me remind you, i WANT you to keep writing, i just want you to improve in certain areas, remember that.
i liked the theme, reminded me of the Black Friday opening scene which was superb.. coming to the poem.. the expression of feelings or emotions whatever one may term them as, was very subtle i felt... if one wanted that person could've made it as gory as possible But you being the poet,you've got your poetic freedom... and maybe thats the way you like it.. anwys its nice when people have variations in their poems and can write on different themes..