poems and poetic thoughts....

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Sonali, Sep 15, 2004.

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  1. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    She Walks With The World On Her Shoulders

    She was on the verge of loosing it and she knew that. Life had thrown a few too many punches and she was beginning to loose patience. None of her hopes had come true. She spent many sleepless nights keeping hopelessness as her only companion. She had lost her job three month ago and still no sign of another job anywhere. Over thirty interviews and still no luck. The month’s end was nearing and her mother was home, waiting for her to pay the electricity bills, gas bills, water bills, phone bills, and the list goes on. The weather is getting colder; she couldn’t afford to have the gas line cut off. Her father’s medication needed to be purchased, the rent hadn’t been paid, and the groceries were eating up what little money that was left in the bank. Her little sister needed school supplies for the upcoming school year.

    Her parents were no longer her parents it seemed. They were her children now and so was her sister. She was no longer a little girl who could run to her mother for every problem she had. She was now a 28 year old single mother, but she hadn’t done anything to deserve that title, how could she be a mother? She hadn’t been an angel her whole life but certainly she hadn’t done the wicked thing that takes to turn a collage student into a single mother. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Life couldn’t have been meant to be this difficult. Her old high school sweetheart was married now, with two kids of his own. Where was her life, how had things gotten so distorted. Seeing him with his wife and two kids brought out pains that she’s kept locked inside herself for so long.

    He was supposed to be her’s. He had promised her that eleven years ago. How had they fallen apart. Nothing made sense anymore. Couldn’t she go back to being a 17 year old? Lying in his arms with her whole life planned to perfection? They would get married after finishing collage, she would become an English teacher for the high school they went to and he would teach math. They would save up to buy the small house near the school that they’d always been so fond of. They would have two kids, a boy and a girl; of course she would put her career on hold and stay home with the children after they were born….

    She was driving home in her dad’s broken old car. The car, she thought, it was the same one her father was driving when he got into the accident. The accident that left him useless. The accident that turned her life up side down. She hadn’t finished her studies, she wasn’t a English teacher now. These days she was running around looking for odd jobs that would at least let her pay for her family’s basic needs. The air was getting colder; she’d better get home soon before it starts to snow. She’d bought the rice and fish her mother had requested, although the trip to the bank ended up being more of a torture treatment then she bargained for. That’s where she saw him with his happy family, his little daughter had called her aunty, and she looked so much like him that holding back the tears was quite a challenge.

    There in the car, the tears came hard. It was unsafe to drive this way, she could hardly see the road, so she decided to park beside a sidewalk and let her tears take control. She wept for a while and then the voice inside her started to talk. Life goes on she thought, nothing ever happens the way you wanted it to but life goes on. She will find a job, she will pay the bills, and until her parent’s death and her sister’s marriage, she will take care of them. After all, her parents took care of her, and it was time for her to return the favor. After all, he had abandoned her, what did she expect? Childhood love falls apart, she understood that now, but a family never does. And someday in the distant future, perhaps she will once again be a part of another family that will stay together, as this one had done. Perhaps that family will not give her this feeling of hopelessness that this one had given unintentionally.

    perhaps it will also offer just as much love as this one had done….

    i feel silly posting it again but i like this story and so i am sharing....i know not too many ppl will read it but still.....
  2. abhay_saxena

    abhay_saxena Lord of the strings

    thats real nice sonali. .. i liked it . .
    ps. this is the second time i'm posting this too
  3. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    lol.......thanks abhay.....nice to know some ppl aren't afraid of reading more than 5 sentences at a time....

    :beer: :beer:
  4. bob-bobby

    bob-bobby Extinct or Banned!

    i read it too sonali , but anythin more that 5 statements is very depressing for me :p:p:p
  5. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    it's meant to be depressing bobby......if i got you depressed then i think i did my job well.....

    thanks for reading....:)

    :beer: :beer:
  6. skaw

    skaw snooze

    read it , gud enuf , no so bad , but then again what is such an emotional story doing in a poetic thread ??

    all questions aside, its a heart touching story :twothumbsup:
  7. bob-bobby

    bob-bobby Extinct or Banned!

    yeah u did a good work thr sonali ,...

    @ skaw , she said it earlier that this if off topic ,.. we accepted :) ;)
  8. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    thanks agian guys.....you ppl are so nice:)......

    after i posted it the last time, i didn't get to see any of the responses.....or else i would've thanked you guys too......(i mean those that responded before)
  9. esgallindeion

    esgallindeion Minstrel Knight

    ok, ill repeat my post... or as much of it as i can remember...

    nice concept, nice style but some sentences could do with a bit of rephrasing... some of your words seem to ruin the flow of storytelling.

    for eg "She spent many sleepless nights keeping hopelessness as her only companion"

    This would sound better if written as... "She had spent many a painful night in the search for hope." or something like that...

    apart from that, keep on writing...
  10. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    yea i know its a bit rough around the edges but i meant to write that line that way because a woman 28 years of age should probably have some person, preferable a husband, as her companion at night....don't you think so....

    and if she was searching for hope that would mean she at least had some hope that hope would show up and that would mess up the whole idea of her being hopeless....i was trying to make her have that feeling you get when you don't think there is even a trace of hope anywhere....like you are being forced to go through an experience that you have absolutely no control over, like when you want to weep till you force all the pain out of you but you don't do it coz in your mind you know that weeping won't do anything for you either so you’re just stuck with feeling like your head’s gonna explode or something….

    anyway I guess a good writer would know how to put that into the story…..i’ll keep working on it and try to make the next one a bit better...thanks for your responce and thanks once more for repeating.... constructive criticism is always welcomed :).....
  11. bob-bobby

    bob-bobby Extinct or Banned!

    sonali - are you writing any book or what :confused:
  12. esgallindeion

    esgallindeion Minstrel Knight

    Another short one from from my collection book... One of my favourite short poems.

    To see a world in a grain of sand...
    And a heaven in a wildflower;
    Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
    And eternity in an hour.
    --William Blake
  13. skaw

    skaw snooze

    My sorrow in a Rose

    Opaque dark blue sky stood empty. The half covered moon shone its dim light on the rose. It stood lonely, waiting for its demise. Silence prevailed. The stigma and anther were completely covered with blinding shadows. The insides were unseen able. The helpless violent red petals dressed the weak stalk of the rose. Few aged petals were wrapped with shallow cracks. These cracks were incised on the dressing’s apexes. Some even ripped the soft edges. The unity between the petals was distorted as one of them inclined separate from the others, lonesome. Moaning as it receives the warmth of its own sort. The wind blew, and took the petal with it, away from the others. Sigh. Nature stole another petal. A blank space dispersed the unity. The rest of the petals were moored to the stem, stiffly. The linkage didn’t disturb the underside of the petals from being sleek, smooth. The thorns on the stem, were filled with regret, and were willing to gash whatever that came near. The stem was held with a pale cold hand. It clenched the rose tight, never minding the pain or the loss of blood. Pitch-dark red color, escaped from the intervals between the fingers. Painful. It seemed like the palm of the hand was maroon in color. The pale cold hand trembled but held on firmly. The little finger hand blood streams going around it. A small drop of blood waited patiently to leave the white hand. The gravity pulled the drop towards it, and it ultimately slumped towards the soil.
  14. gautam_njoy

    gautam_njoy New Member

    i dont know whos it is... i liked it so just wrote it... tejas ...instead of critisising... u cud hav apprecitaed coz atleast u cudnt remember that out.. i did and wrote it for all.
    i m not snapping at u.. i m just saying.. i posted my first post in here and u cud hav juz motivated me to get better ...
    anyways this is a nice section keep it up all..
  15. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    outch gautam......

    nice job skaw.....just one question though.....the second line says "violent red petals" was that intentional or by mistake???
  16. abhay_saxena

    abhay_saxena Lord of the strings

    well to be frank i did'nt understand. ..
  17. skaw

    skaw snooze

    OH MY GOD! ... i handed in the same stuff and i had a mistake on it !! ... shoooot

    @ abhay , i have heard that a lot ... dun worri ... you aint left out :)
    @ sonali , it is suppose to be violet red ... describing the color of the petals
  18. tejas

    tejas ..........

    I never critisized you. I just told bob, that it was from the song "The reason".
    I'm sorry if i sounded harsh. But i do think you should have credited the band.
  19. Reem

    Reem Banned

    A Relationship

    Woman is created from a rib of man

    Not from his feet to be walked on

    Nor from his head to be above

    But from his side be equal

    Under his arm to be protected

    Near his heart to be loved
  20. Sonali

    Sonali ::>> Welcome <<::

    @skaw- thats what i thought....

    @reem- thats beautiful girl....:snifs:
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