Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by monica_decosta, Mar 22, 2009.

  1. hangs his eyes stuck at me, when i wobble words and angry
    and comes on obideintly when i need some thing friendly
    i never tell the whole story, just his part so he plays
    otherwise he will start animating, in all so obvious ways
    the touch of some thing insted life, breathing soo near
    with the wild wild world and from the wild, this wild animal is a dear !
  2. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    its good, theme-wise......... and grammar's improved!
    just one thing.......
    "this wild animal is a dear".........try reamoving "a" from there.......looks nice and meaningful!
  3. metalhead_junky

    metalhead_junky New Member

    thats a nice way to show emotions!
    makes me think,,,,,,,hmmmmmm
  4. thanx all.......hmm a shud be removed
  5. ^ i want some more rresponses here
    *goes sits on the stair case*

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