part one

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by browneyegurlie, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. browneyegurlie

    browneyegurlie Sweet as Honey

    this shud have been posted b4 thank you but meh

    Emptiness around me.
    No one, not a single soul,
    to rescue me.
    I stand alone, crying glass tears.

    They have fled,
    they're own directions.
    I talk to they're spirits
    with frozen words.

    My lips are blue,
    I ache from the inside.
    Left only with a minute flame burning,
    yet fuelless.

    I have found you,
    yet lost you.
    The second of happiness,
    held close.

    Lost in the crowd,
    looking for a face I know
    but they fail to recongise me.
    Why?Am I that bad?

    Spinning in chaotic motion,
    out of control,
    wrapped in a spiral of black ice,
    I hit the floor.

    My mind grasped by negativity,
    waiting to be erased.
    Looking into the horizon,
    I search for my lighthouse.

    ( sorry about any spelling mistakes )

  2. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    the spelling mistakes shouldnt matter, its poetic freedom:)

    nice poem....
  3. light_of_erindi

    light_of_erindi New Member

    I don't get it.......why did u write a poem like that?.......did someone ditch u or what?
  4. browneyegurlie

    browneyegurlie Sweet as Honey

    its complicated..most of its sorted now tho another the one part lol
  5. tejas

    tejas ..........

    I liked the poem. I really liked the expression "Crying glass tears". And then the line "Wrapped in a spiral of black ice" is also very clever. But the last line of the 5th stanza, "Why?Am I that bad?" is kinda dull. I suggest you change that, make it a little more subtle. Apart from that, this is good stuff. Keep it up.
  6. browneyegurlie

    browneyegurlie Sweet as Honey

    i'm sorry...i shall change that ...thanks for the suggestions:)
  7. tejas

    tejas ..........

    Hey, why are you saying sorry to me?? Take it back. Its your poem.

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