Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by ~Bish, May 14, 2007.

  1. ~Bish

    ~Bish The Illusionist

    Hi All,

    Don't want to say anything about this poem.. just read it..

    Darkness all arround and the world outside screaming..
    far away shouts a stranger struggling to get free..
    A drop of tear cleans up his dust covered cheek..
    A ray of light wakes him up and he finds himself under a tree..

    Kill that bastard shouts the commander in cheif..
    vultures sitting up just waiting for the sword to fly..
    Mother nature whispers.. son come out of this grief..
    take the pride in what you did and let everyone defy..

    Pain is not the word to explain what he is going through..
    the edge of the sword is not enough to kill the soul..
    he is a prisoner and just a puppet in the whole show..
    people come and spit on his face and just pass by..

    Humanity is a curse honesty is a fcuking parasite..
    some cryptic emotions decide the fate of destiny..
    who the hell you are to decide he is wrong or right..
    let the show go on let him die and make the world happy..

    But no, a hand comes to his rescue to make him smile..
    she looks into his eyes and says give me your soul..
    I am death there is no fear once you come into my arms..
    the sword cuts him off and the blood cleans all his sins..

    Please comment..

    loyal and Super-Admin like this.
  2. zicky5608

    zicky5608 Power Shortage

    Ending doesn't seem complete?..Or maybe it does..ah forget it.

    The rest is great...nice work.
  3. ~Bish

    ~Bish The Illusionist

    thanx dude.. for liking it.. ya ending can be made better.. but since pain is the title.. ending is in pain.. :(
  4. anshphenomenon

    anshphenomenon Rape me :boff:

  5. zicky5608

    zicky5608 Power Shortage

    Ending IS pain...but does not really end well :/
  6. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I actually liked this better than most other things you've written. This actually had a nice idea to it and you've related it well. I only wish the grammar were better.
  7. ~Bish

    ~Bish The Illusionist

    thanx guyz.. i never wrote a poem until i was in IGT.. thanx 4 liking it.. IGT roxx.. BJR.. i m really poor in english grammer.. but please correct me so that i don't repeat my mistakes..
  8. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    See, I've always told u that u can write well if you try. This one's good.. although when I read "he finds himself under a tree", I thought the poem will turn out to be crappy, but it didn't. Good work!
  9. ~Bish

    ~Bish The Illusionist

    guyz u liked the poem but no one repped me..

    rep me :( i have only one dot..
  10. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    Nice one..:beer:
  11. Super-Admin

    Super-Admin Administrator Staff Member

    excellent. repped.
  12. loyal

    loyal New Member

    Good one!!
    Kudos !!!
    reps !!

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