Hi, ur kiss is melting the chocolate in my mouth ur tongue sweep for tiny pieces entangled between my teeth my teeth try to bite yours my tongue wants to throw the intruder out which is bent upon stealing the sweetness traitor like those crevices open up letting you rob each single molecule of those aching flavors i am left with tasting it from yours, tongues enmeshed fighting for a bigger share ~Bish
sticking your tongue down someone's throat is not pleasant imagery. Something like that should have a lot more passion in it.
hehe... i guess u took ur imaginations one step ahead of my poem.. tongue is not down someone's throat... infact scientifically it can't be until its a snake's tongue.. jokes apart.. there is passion in the poem.. but i think u just need the correct perspective to see it
geeee coool strange...imagination... u cud remove that molecule word.. ''my teeth tryin to bite urs''..is it tongue? biting others tongue with teeth ..ouch ..she went away...date over..
Knowing I can be honest with your poems,I'd say this poem lacks finesse.I mean in your description of a kiss,the first 2 stanzas are quite a turn-off (in terms of depiction I mean..not the idea).I can see through it,and can imagine the actual potential you intended to show but I wish you'd rewrite this one and make it seem passionate.