Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by astroguru26, Feb 22, 2006.

  1. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    holding the hand
    making the seven rounds around fire
    promised to fullfill all the desires
    and give the serenity and happiness

    heard the mantra spoken by person
    whom i am handing over my preciousness
    making her more responsible
    saw her growing more compact and matured
    in terms of wordly matters...

    did as father i can do..
    agreed to the person she wants to get married
    she was happy...
    making us as well.....

    with teary eyes bid adieu
    to our daughter
    to intiate her new life..
    to carry on with our thoughts what we have taught her..
    those principles of life...

    watched her childhood albums to
    pacify our heart to soothe our emotions...
    her absence looked like years passed on
    without her..
    one day
    news came to me....
    she was dead....
    her husband burnt her alive....
    with the same fire
    around he has taken oath to take care of her.....

  2. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    no comments..still

  3. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    Honestly, all the poems written on those interesting themes of yours seem exactly the same. Oh well, except the theme itself.

    I'm sure you can make 'em better! Just try a different approach, just for a change. Try a different style and although you might not like it initially, your experimentation might lead you to something really good.

    But, ofcourse, if you're happy with the way you right, carry on :)
  4. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    good to see that there is some1 who can write on such topics. :beer:
  5. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    good theme..and as cryptic said ur style needs a little polishing........though topic is very powerful but way u present it makes the real reason fade away.
  6. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    yes... theme is as usual great...
    ur every poem is bit like narration of past... would like to see something different from you one day...
    try different styles...

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