Couldn't find a title for this one..may be you can help..... The sun is setting down..... .....and the lights are getting dimmer..... A touch of yours.... .....is enough to make me shiver..... Running into my hair.... ....are your naughty fingers.... Your staring eyes.... ....make my will power go weaker.... I can feel you breathe.... .....more deeper & deeper... My heart is beating faster.... ......as with every step you are coming closer.... 'I Love You' is what I always wanted to say.... ...and this is what I just heard you whisper... With closed eyes & a smiling face.... ....let me make a prayer.... For You & for Me.... ....I wish this feeling remain fresh.....FOREVER.....
In the 1st line, there was no need for the word "down".. "the sun is setting" would've been enough and i wish u'd change the "make a prayer" phrase, it doesnt seem right to me other than that, it's nice, but it didnt make me feel much of what's written, and I feel that ur capable of doin' better EDIT: I think a small, simple title would do, like "Closer.."
^^^Hmmmm…. Now there is a very stupid reason behind this : I added down cos somehow the sentence seemed incomplete to me…but I agree that there wasn’t any need to add ‘down’ as per ‘English’… & a stupid’er’ reason for adding that prayer wala phrase…I just wanted it to rhyme…I cudnt find anything else….& co-incidentally every line before that was rhyming : : :grin: agree to ur thrd point aswell...its not that good but its here cos aftr months i hv written somethng other than sad...which has slightly mushy feeling...: & what bout 'Coming Closer'?? :think: now this reminds me of the song..'do dil mil rahe hain magar chupke chupke(pardes)' :shock: :RollLol:
haha....Mohsin .... I Loue bollywood filims : @Vipin ....hehe..u kno the reason..par hua ulta...: ...jaana tha Japan pahuch gai cheen samajh gai na...:RollLol: : PS. ^^^Side effect of staying in offc for 11 hrs....:insane:
I think "Heart breathing" added a lotta meaning behind the line - too bad u changed it....but then u`ll have to have deeper meaning in other lines to take care of tht one thing anyways! Write something more and let's see if we can make a song outta this one
Madhuresh, geniusoid, sanju.....thanks for tking time out to read this not so good stuff @Sanju....why is "Miss.Ayesha" spreading this rumor that I am her friend…:think:
