MyHopes,My Moon.

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by walk_alone, Mar 8, 2006.

  1. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    My hopes,My Moon.

    I walk by the lake,
    and stop in amazement,
    to see the walking moon stop too.

    I stare at my image,
    the ripples in the water defacing it,
    making me a complete stranger.

    is this how we look at life ?
    or is this what life makes us ?
    an ugly,blemished creature.

    I wait till the water simmers down,
    and my image is a reflection of the real me.

    is it?

    is this how we wait ?
    for the ripples of our lives to calm down.

    I moved on,
    but left behind my moon,
    my hopes.


    another quickie, just wrote as came in my mind.

    do provide ur valuable comments and suggestions.
    Sharmontime likes this.
  2. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

  3. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Thxs Nimisha...i knew u wd be the first one to reply.
  4. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Wonderful poem, i strive for this level of simplicity in my poems. It was well organized, the theme was good and the ideas connected, this effort really clicked for you, if i may though, i'd like to offer the services of a proofreader and with your permission fix all the grammatical errors without changing any part of the poem, totally up to you.
  5. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    I never give too much attention to the kind of vocab i just comes out my heart/my mind and i dont edit it once i write it.

    U can be my guest till the time u do justice to my concept/theme.

  6. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Well, i'll edit your post, and you can tell me if you wanna keep it or revert back. I'll do it now.
  7. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    There, i just added a few articles to the poem, how's it look?
  8. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    had to read it 4 times to notice the change...human mind doesnt read full sentence.
    luks good.

  9. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Looks it's best now, i'm glad i could be of help.
  10. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    To the point and couldnt be explained any better
    sometimes complex words confuse a person...

    Nice poem walk_alone
  11. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    thxs bubbly...appreciate ur thought..........words have to come from within from the vocab u posess....i cant luk at dictionary for complex words for simple feelings.
    thts my style
    Garima likes this.
  12. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    yaar, i did'nt get it waht is that u want to say ......... belive me read it 3 times ....
  13. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    Different people have different styles
    some prefer to keep things complex and conceal the true image
    not many can stick to one style
    its really good that you can...
  14. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    one of your best...Loved it...reps if possible:)
  15. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    My my, someone's writing really good poems one after the other!

    I like this one as well :)
  16. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    MAIN PSPO nahi jaanta
    what does this poem mean ...he was seeing moon's shadow in water then ?
    he thought he is belmish?
    kyaa hai ye?
  17. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    This is what i mean.

    Hi Madhuresh,

    Glad u asked me that question...maybe i want to make it clear to myself too.

    Lake signifies our lives and moon signifies our hopes to achieve our desires.

    our expectations to achieve those desires sometimes create ripples in our lives which brings in misery and distress....we continue to hope or let ripples of our lives end so that we can be what we actually are, not what our desires make us.

    and then when we realise that our desires are something that cannot be achieved then we leave our moon...our hopes behind in search of a new lake.

    I hope i made it quite clear.
  18. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Thanks Cryptic......its gud to hear these encouraging wirds from you.
    Garima ji ...thxs to u too ...u cd take out some time to read my poem atleast.
  19. G. Srinivas

    G. Srinivas New Member

    Great one walk-alone... You do write as it comes out from ur heart...Keep it up, it's the actual trait of a poet. Merely words cannot express the heart, if they don't stand for an idea... In your case the idea is super...excited to see more of ur work.
  20. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    thats it man good comparision......ya every one feels his own way....but still ...abhi pooch hi leta hoon... r u sure u think that way (i had the same question initially)...??

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