my third try at poetry!

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by shak, Aug 31, 2005.

  1. shak

    shak Harrr!

    some of you might recall ma fart poem ... hehehe that one went pretty well .. this time i have gone a bit serious ... it is a private poem ... but what the heck ...

    hey! listen i've got something to say
    its like i was born a long time ago
    but opened my eyes today
    i just found something warm
    a feeling so pure that it makes
    rain pour down my cheeks
    i actually love you, strange
    neva felt like this before
    or was i dead all the time?
    i dunno if i wanted anything this pure
    were my desires made out of stone?
    was that a cloud or some sheath?
    were my hands tied to my feet?
    that i couldnt reach out and
    touch you deep
    maybe now i will know
    what i am supposed to do
    die like a dragon? or
    live like a dream?
  2. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned


    et tu shahrukh?

    fuckax one b.t.w.
  3. shak

    shak Harrr!

    if its crap its crap ... just smack me with it .. lol no need to patronise!
    even the person for whom it was meant went .... @duh whats this?@ ahhahaha
  4. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    ok ... as u wish ... check my response
  5. shak

    shak Harrr!

    hahah ..thnx mate ...
  6. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    u are a masochist ! ...
    a psychological masochist ...
  7. shak

    shak Harrr!

    i dunno if i should take that as a compliment or as .............
  8. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    either ways ... u win :)
  9. akkyy21

    akkyy21 #%@!$&

    Am touched,........ ooo yeah baby.... moreeeeee,...... :p:
  10. guitarangela

    guitarangela gran'ma

    i personally think u should have wrote the poem a poem.
    it sounds like a conversation rather than a poem. well, good try.
  11. cYpHeR

    cYpHeR Banned

    lol....atleat better than wat i can write
  12. light_of_erindi

    light_of_erindi New Member

    ummm....kinda missing some flow...a bit incoherent....but good theme tho.....
  13. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    that was rhythmic ...
  14. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    Nice poem sharukh
    has this Rap kinda feelin to it....
    n yh it has a rhythm as ssslayer said..
  15. shak

    shak Harrr!

    hey thnx everyone ..
    true i messed it up in the end .. but i said what i wanted to ... didnt had time to make it rhyme or flow like sonic sheets of silk though the space of my thoughts.... as someone would put it ;)
    thnx again.
  16. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    ^ seems like someone has again commented on your siggy ...
    some ISP?
  17. shak

    shak Harrr!

    naa ..just plain sh!t .... cant hold the freedom of speech banner here
  18. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    c'mon man .. i expected more from u ...
  19. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    Awesome....cnt say about the rythm...but yh i wanna say that anythng that comes out of heart is rythmic...cos if u listen the sound of ur heart, even thats rythmic.
    Good one

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