hope you guys would appreciate this.... My poem was dying.... Last breath it was sighing my poem was dying... many questions were haunting... like shadows from the crypt illusions were taunting... and devilish thoughts that could drift meaning was missing somewhere... words were hissing in betrayl... truth was hidden god knows why....reality forbidden.... logic was molested reasons were murdered.... dreams were destroyed.... dementia encroached on corrupted mind.. retardation of thinking power.. all answers left undercover...... imagination started blurring.. and emotions endlessly slurring... speech became mute.. demolition of words was so acute... rhythm helplessly crying.. My poem was dying.... ------------------------------------------------- plz people.... now i require some criticism.......
I'll tell ya about the poem as soon as I get to know your age. Yeah it is linked. Besides, I like your avatar. From where did you get it?
well..as far as i could make out...what ur poem says to me is that now ur poetic knacks' forsaking you. But it isnt so yet
Its a nice attempt. But I get the feeling you took it slow at the beginning and rushed towards the end, or didn't edit the end (whichever way you work), since the ending is a bit abrupt. Apart from that, unless you have a melody to this, the line "dementia... " hurt the meter (which doesn't really matter i suppose, but just letting you know). And I really liked your 2nd stanza ("many questions..."). Keep it up.
@vini... im glad..u cud decepher the meaning exactly... coz..im really not sure of my skills in english. @ esgallindeion.... that was so nice of you too go through my poem completely..n then meticulously pointing out flaws n good part in it.. ur opinion is welcome.. will remember those poins while editing this n writting other.. @alpha1.. im waiting for ur reply.
Nice one .. reminded me of sort of stuffs a friend of mine writes ..... But whts the prob about eng ..... u dont need to know english to write a song ... listen to ozzy , lemme kilmetzer(is the the spell?) ... Steve harris , Dave Murray ... they have no hi fi words or some major crap in their songs ... so dont bother write in simple plain english that comes 2 ur mind .... It better that way .......
hey nimmo u forgot u are a doctor.. how come ur poem die in front of u.. do something give it some doses of penicillin or rybotoxin...
Well usually, poems reflect your state of mind, and being 22 yrs - I was wondering what exactly lead you to write it. Anyway poem was nice. But you really a doc?
demolition...slurring...retardation...drift logic followed by reasons.. u definalty seem to be a doctor engineered to write... well thats un-important important thing is u try to come out very soon some more time and thought can make the thing better all on all good 1...
the concept with which the poem is created clearly shows the imagination of person crossing the arena of romance and all with which nimisha is known here...in poetry forum the differnt subject giving her edge in contemporary writing and her class is not a one day wonder.......she is here to stay with her style of writing ........waiting for more to see from her........ rohit astroguru26
yes im here nandaaa.... its gr8 to hear from all of u about my poem... u people r really kooool... @madhuresh..... were u noticing those small details? even i cudnt realised that b4 u pointed out.. well...ur proffession affect u lot naa...
hey, ur english seems MUUUCH better than in ur earlier attempts at english poetry!! i'm pleasantly surprised i just love this poem of urs! wanted to rep ya but cant