My ghazal: Zakhmon ke nishan

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by kordz_player, Feb 13, 2006.


This poetry qualify to be called as ghazal

  1. Yes

  2. NO

    0 vote(s)
  1. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    Dear Folks,

    Here is a ghazal(or whatever you call) which I am sharing with you.
    I wrote it in year 1998. Hope you will enjoy this piece of poetry.

    Mujhko mile jo zakhmon ke nishan
    Har ek se kaise karun bayan

    Roshan ik shama-e-zindgani
    Tufan ka kafila kar gaya dhuan dhuan

    Mahtab-e-shab dekh kar na hairan hai
    Chhup gaya hai dhundh kar badlon ka ashiyan

    Manzil nahin aur raste bhi gum hain
    Dar dar bhatakne se banta nahin hai karwan

    Zindagi me mukam aise bhi aate hain
    Saya bhi chal deta hai na jane kahan


    :beer: kordz player :beer:
    $cReWdR!veR likes this.
  2. rock all

    rock all New Member


    its a pretty nice ghazal...pretty dard bahara tho
  3. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    *bump* as per kordz_player's request.
  4. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    Thank you

    Dear friend,

    Thanks a lot for your valueable compliments. That will boost my confidence level and I will come up with new ones.

    Thanks again

  5. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    Sorry leader

    I do apologise for the extra thread i have added to this. Let me suggest what to do in this regard, if needed further such help.

    actually i want people know more and more about it. That is it.

  6. peaceful_words

    peaceful_words New Member

    well done dude...and yea it perfectly qualifies for a gazal....
  7. amit82cse

    amit82cse Silent observeR

    :rock: :rock: :rock:

    itne deeno ke baad aise shab sunne ko mile hain...

    wonderful....keeping flowing your ghazals...
  8. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    M happy man

    I am happy man. Thank you for ur appreciation...

  9. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    Oh yeah!!

    Here is the same man: itne deeno ke baad aise shab sunne ko mile hain...

    Thank you for your quotes. Thanks a lot. Cheered to hear this.....

  10. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    Hey thats good... though i didnt get a few words :eek::

    Here is something which just came to my mind while i was reading your ghazal.
    zindagi mein kissko milta hai mukammal jahan
    kyon bhool baithe hai hum aaye the akele yahan
  11. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    Kamaal ho gaya!!!

    Wow overwhelming response. Good to see. Your sher was also good indeed. Wanna read more of my stuff? Let me know then.


  12. nimitr

    nimitr New Member

    that was nice one kordz... keep up the good work
  13. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    In strict sense it does not qualify as a ghazal .. There is no matla(first two lines of ghazal should end wid da same word(s)) in ur poem .. which is a must ..
    E.g ..
    Aah ko chahiye ek umr asar hone tak ..
    Kaun jeeta hai teri zulf ke sar hone tak |

    Humne maana tagaaful na karogi lekin ..
    Khaak ho jayenge hum tumko khabar hone tak (muh fav ghazal by Ghalib)

    If a ghazal doesn't have a Matla then atleast da second lines of each sher in da ghazal should be same (hamradeef ghazal) which is not da case in ur poem
    E.g. 1. meharbaan ho ke bulaa lo mujhe chaaho jis waqt
    main gayaa waqt nahin hoon ke phir aa bhi na sakoon

    2. zauf meiN taanaa-e-aGHyaar ka shikwaa kyaa hai?
    baat kuchh sar to nahin hai ke uThaa bhi na sakoon
    There is no "radeef"(last word(s) of every second line of each sher should be same) in ur poem
    Now even after this .. it might still roughly qualify for as Ghair-muraddaf ghazal (second line of each sher doesn't end in same word(s)) but a Ghair-muraddaf ghazal should strictly follow "Beher" (Length of da sher) which is varying .. like this ..

    Mujhko mile jo zakhmon ke nishan
    Har ek se kaise karun bayan

    Mahtab-e-shab dekh kar na hairan hai
    Chhup gaya hai dhundh kar badlon ka ashiyan
    ^^These 2 shers are of different "Beher"
    But again .. "Beher" is a very complicated concept .. so unsure ..

    There is No Matla, No Radeef & beher is doubtful(acc to me) n its these small things which differenciate a ghazal from a Song or poem .. n if u look at it very leniently it may qualify as a rare ghazal .. but strictly its not ..

    I have spent lotsa time long back in muh junior college findin da diff.. n this detailed view is not to criticize u .. but to share knowledge .. Wat do u have to say bout it ??? i mean of course u might have ur point which i would like to know .. i'l vote after listenin to u ..

    n last but not da least .. Nice lines written :) ..
    CrYpTiC_angel likes this.
  14. Varshita

    Varshita New Member

    reads the above explanation...
    *looks for her dictionary...
    *remembers that she left hindi way back in class VII
    aaah....but this is urdu
    sorry... wrong number !!
    *walks out
  15. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    What i wanted i got!!!

    I know there is a lot of theory of writing ghazals. I haven't read any single word of that. But do not compare my composition with Mirza Ghalib. I have written what i have thought. No doubt those who are ghazal writer and lyrics writer know all these things. Let me suggest any book where i could read the theory of ghazal writing and it must be in easy going way. Give name of book, author name and publisher so that i can get it easily from the market.

    Vote according to your choice.


  16. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    Man .. i'm not at all comparin u to Ghalib .. he's way beyon comparision .. but pal i'm tryin to say .. wen u do anythin .. say singin for example .. u should know the techniques, da knowledge of music isn't it ?? similarly if ur writin somethin (which is really appreciated u write well!) namely ghazal .. It has rules which has to be followed .. I don't know any book in particular coz i'm not sure of da authenticity .. but u can search da net at diff places gettin da basics .. Keep up ur good work .. u've really added a new dimension to this forum :) :)
    Varshita likes this.
  17. kordz_player

    kordz_player New Member

    Agreed with you!!!

    I agree with you what u wanna say. Thats what I mean my work cant be compared with maestro like ghalib. As you said you have read many books and you have done R & D into this field, thats why I asked for books. Its ok if you dont know any one. Keep looking for me if you can. It will really help me to go and achieve something.

    Give ur mail id, if you don't want its ok, so that I can keep a touch apart from this virtual platform.

    Looking forward for ur valuable suggestion.



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