-Mukammal Maut-

-Mukammal Maut-

Khama-kha nahi guzarte janaaze mehboob ki galiyon se
Yuhi nahi dagmagate pair usi raaste se chalne se
Benoor hoti hai roshni farishton ki
Kaafi nahi hoti bad-dua udu ki
Jab ik bandhi hui zindagi azaad ho jati
Kisi rooh ki intejah qubul ho jati
Phir kehti hai maut unse
Kabhi mujhko bhi gale lagale
Waqt ki dastak ko zara mehsoos kar le..
Kholke dil ke jharoke
Palko ki chaadar gira
Meri god main sar rakh-ke ik baar tu bhi so ja
Jab hoga tumhe sukoon haasil
Katron ko karke bismil
Tumhari muflis si zindagi bhi hogi haasid
Chahe deewani junooni duniya bichaegi bisaat
Jiski raah dekhe thaki na tumhari nazre kabhi.
Janaaze main hoge phir woh bhi shaamil...


--,-'--<@

Glossary-
Mukammal- Perfect (in this context)
Benoor- noor means light.. so in this context Losing light
Udu- enemy, competitor
Muflis- Poor (in this context)
Bismil- sacrifice
Haasid- envious, jealous
Bisaat-chess..game (in this context)


i wouldnt mind answering any questions regarding the meanings...

Good or Bad..
Do Gimme your honest opinion..

Thanks for reading..

 

WOW!
That is damn goooooooood!I loved it

 

awesomely.......beautiful
gud use of urdu ther.....

 

: .....................no comments....

pehle 'Mukammal' & 'Benoor' ka matlob bolo ..... (m so duumb ...

 

@Broken Heart- Thanks ...i appreciate you reading my poem
@Garima- a confession......... i look forward to hearing comments from some people and your one of them....Thanks dear
@Apu- I've added the meanings of Mukammal and Benoor.. : sorry!..i should've done that before....

 

:shock: :grin: :banana: :beer:

 

GURL U ROCK!!!!!!!!! :nw:

 

this is so good..
im coming at ur place to take urdu classes..

 

yaar how do u write such poems................lovely..though i had to read thrice to understand ........

 

@Hira-- Thanks dear!!!..

@Nimisha- Thanks!!!!... i dont give classes.. but maybe i'l need some

@Abhi -- Thanks dear....
i can explain if you havent understood anything
and i am not that good at poetry..seriously!!
NOT trying to be modest or anything of that sort..
but i jus write anything and most of the times i'm not satisfied with the outcome..for eg- Now

Thanks again all of you..means a lot!!..a hell lot than u know

.
..
.
@Apu- Still waiting for your comments :

 

^ nw I got it .............

though had to read it quite a few times.....

nicely written ...... bt for unknwn reasons it got me kinda depressed ;-( ....

 

loved it bubbly...glad to see you know your urdu....shayari in urdu ka maza hi kuch aur hai, especially if the language is well understood by the writer and if the sher is well written by the writer..... too good

 

Hey!!
so sorry it made u feel that way :
i donno what else to say..

Thanks for your comments dear....

 

Thanks Arpi!!

i'm not very good with Urdu..
still in the learning phase ..
may it be English Hindi..or the Type of Language i'm using..
i'm still a rookie..gotta learn a Lot!

Thanks for ur comments!!..

 

Seems to be a very good one. Explanation required to understand.: Pls help.

 

(Janaaza is a funeral rite..)

The Perfect Death

Rites do not tread the lovers lane in vain
The feet shiver when one walks on that path
Angels lose thier light
The enemies curses arent enough
When a life is set free
A souls request is fulfilled
Death would talk to you saying...
"Embrace me too someday
Feel what the time is beckoning
Open the windows of your heart
Close the curtains of your eyes
Rest your head in my lap and sleep
When you are relieved
Sacrificing the drops of blood
Your poor life too would be envious
Even though the madly obessed word tries playing games
The one your eyes have forever longed for
Would join your obsequy-rite.."

Someone has rightly said think in the language you read and write..
the explaination looks a bit hap-hazard..
jus tried to explain it by the line:
Hope its comprehendable

 

dont take me wrong but ....... some part of each line is good and some is raddi crap banal...but all in all good ..seee mere hisaab se achi sooch ke liye accha admi hona jarooi hai....when u say what ur not it can be real but never orignal....

 

Thanks Manu..
do gimme suggestions for the corrections..
appreciate ur honesty

and do clarify
" achi sooch ke liye accha admi hona jarooi hai .when u say what ur not it can be real but never orignal.."

 

This is a fairly well written Nazm. Just need to work on Takhazzul. I think you meant to say Iltejah in line 6?
Keep it up!

 

koi honesty nahi hai yaar....tu saamne hoti to main kuch bhi na kehta ..and bout clarification main ye keh raha tha ki ....tu apne thoughts main sacchi nahi hai tu aisa imagine kar ke khud ko sitution main daal ke likhti hai...feel nahi kari time nahi deti to vo pata chalta hai....and may be iam wrong