-Mukammal Maut-

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by BubblyMartini, Mar 21, 2006.

  1. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    -Mukammal Maut-

    Khama-kha nahi guzarte janaaze mehboob ki galiyon se
    Yuhi nahi dagmagate pair usi raaste se chalne se
    Benoor hoti hai roshni farishton ki
    Kaafi nahi hoti bad-dua udu ki
    Jab ik bandhi hui zindagi azaad ho jati
    Kisi rooh ki intejah qubul ho jati
    Phir kehti hai maut unse
    Kabhi mujhko bhi gale lagale
    Waqt ki dastak ko zara mehsoos kar le..
    Kholke dil ke jharoke
    Palko ki chaadar gira
    Meri god main sar rakh-ke ik baar tu bhi so ja
    Jab hoga tumhe sukoon haasil
    Katron ko karke bismil
    Tumhari muflis si zindagi bhi hogi haasid
    Chahe deewani junooni duniya bichaegi bisaat
    Jiski raah dekhe thaki na tumhari nazre kabhi.
    Janaaze main hoge phir woh bhi shaamil...


    --,-'--<@

    Glossary-
    Mukammal- Perfect (in this context)
    Benoor- noor means light.. so in this context Losing light
    Udu- enemy, competitor
    Muflis- Poor (in this context)
    Bismil- sacrifice
    Haasid- envious, jealous
    Bisaat-chess..game (in this context)


    i wouldnt mind answering any questions regarding the meanings...

    Good or Bad..
    Do Gimme your honest opinion..

    Thanks for reading..
     
    astroguru26 likes this.
  2. Broken_heart

    Broken_heart New Member

    WOW!
    That is damn goooooooood!I loved it
     
  3. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    awesomely.......beautiful :)
    gud use of urdu ther.....
     
  4. apurbajd

    apurbajd ~#$&amp;*$@*^$

    :eek:: .....................no comments....

    pehle 'Mukammal' & 'Benoor' ka matlob bolo ..... (m so duumb :eek::) ...
     
  5. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    @Broken Heart- Thanks ...i appreciate you reading my poem:)
    @Garima- a confession......... i look forward to hearing comments from some people and your one of them....Thanks dear :)
    @Apu- I've added the meanings of Mukammal and Benoor.. :eek:: sorry!..i should've done that before....
     
  6. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    :shock: :grin: :banana: :beer:
     
  7. #iR@

    #iR@ GANDI BACHI RELOADED

    GURL U ROCK!!!!!!!!! :nw:
     
  8. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    this is so good..
    im coming at ur place to take urdu classes..
     
  9. abhimanjrekar

    abhimanjrekar ----&gt; Zhol-Man&lt;----

    yaar how do u write such poems................lovely..though i had to read thrice to understand ........
     
  10. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    @Hira-- Thanks dear!!!..

    @Nimisha- Thanks!!!!... i dont give classes.. but maybe i'l need some

    @Abhi -- Thanks dear....
    i can explain if you havent understood anything
    and i am not that good at poetry..seriously!!
    NOT trying to be modest or anything of that sort..
    but i jus write anything and most of the times i'm not satisfied with the outcome..for eg- Now ;)

    Thanks again all of you..means a lot!!..a hell lot than u know :)

    .
    ..
    .
    @Apu- Still waiting for your comments :eek::
     
  11. apurbajd

    apurbajd ~#$&amp;*$@*^$

    ^ nw I got it ............. :)

    though had to read it quite a few times.....

    nicely written ...... bt for unknwn reasons it got me kinda depressed ;-( ....
     
  12. arpi

    arpi New Member

    loved it bubbly...glad to see you know your urdu....shayari in urdu ka maza hi kuch aur hai, especially if the language is well understood by the writer and if the sher is well written by the writer..... too good :)
     
  13. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    Hey!!
    so sorry it made u feel that way :eek::
    i donno what else to say.. :(

    Thanks for your comments dear....
     
  14. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    Thanks Arpi!!

    i'm not very good with Urdu..
    still in the learning phase ..
    may it be English Hindi..or the Type of Language i'm using..
    i'm still a rookie..gotta learn a Lot! ;)

    Thanks for ur comments!!..
     
  15. Sharmontime

    Sharmontime New Member

    Seems to be a very good one. Explanation required to understand.:eek:: Pls help.
     
  16. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    (Janaaza is a funeral rite..)

    The Perfect Death

    Rites do not tread the lovers lane in vain
    The feet shiver when one walks on that path
    Angels lose thier light
    The enemies curses arent enough
    When a life is set free
    A souls request is fulfilled
    Death would talk to you saying...
    "Embrace me too someday
    Feel what the time is beckoning
    Open the windows of your heart
    Close the curtains of your eyes
    Rest your head in my lap and sleep
    When you are relieved
    Sacrificing the drops of blood
    Your poor life too would be envious
    Even though the madly obessed word tries playing games
    The one your eyes have forever longed for
    Would join your obsequy-rite.."


    Someone has rightly said think in the language you read and write..
    the explaination looks a bit hap-hazard..
    jus tried to explain it by the line:eek::
    Hope its comprehendable
     
  17. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    dont take me wrong but ....... some part of each line is good and some is raddi crap banal...but all in all good ..seee mere hisaab se achi sooch ke liye accha admi hona jarooi hai....when u say what ur not it can be real but never orignal....
     
  18. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    Thanks Manu..
    do gimme suggestions for the corrections..
    appreciate ur honesty

    and do clarify
    " achi sooch ke liye accha admi hona jarooi hai .when u say what ur not it can be real but never orignal.."
     
  19. folkpoet80

    folkpoet80 New Member

    This is a fairly well written Nazm. Just need to work on Takhazzul. I think you meant to say Iltejah in line 6?
    Keep it up!

     
  20. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    koi honesty nahi hai yaar....tu saamne hoti to main kuch bhi na kehta ..and bout clarification main ye keh raha tha ki ....tu apne thoughts main sacchi nahi hai tu aisa imagine kar ke khud ko sitution main daal ke likhti hai...feel nahi kari time nahi deti to vo pata chalta hai....and may be iam wrong
     

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