Management Fart

Discussion in 'The ChitChat Lounge' started by alpha1, Jul 17, 2006.

  1. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That's very interesting.
    TRANSLATION: I disagree.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't disagree.
    TRANSLATION: I disagree.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't totally disagree with you.
    TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don't care.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show me some flexibility.
    TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have an opportunity.
    TRANSLATION: You have a problem.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
    TRANSLATION: This is awful.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: In a perfect world...
    TRANSLATION: Just get it working and get it out the door.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Help me to understand.
    TRANSLATION: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You just don't understand our business.
    TRANSLATION: We don't understand our business.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for discussion. But if you do want to discuss it further, my door is always open.
    TRANSLATION: **** you.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I appreciate your contribution.
    TRANSLATION: **** you.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
    TRANSLATION: We're going to do it my way.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I didn't understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary?
    TRANSLATION: I still can't figure out how to start the e-mail program.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Cost of ownership has become a significant issue in desktop computing.
    TRANSLATION: We want all the benefits and none of the costs.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to leverage our resources.
    TRANSLATION: You're working weekends.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Individual contributor.
    TRANSLATION: Employee who does real work.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Your project is on hold.
    TRANSLATION: We've put a bullet in it.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Wrong answer.
    TRANSLATION: You didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You needed to be more proactive.
    TRANSLATION: You should have protected me from myself.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'd like your buy-in on this.
    TRANSLATION: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We want you to be the executive champion of this project.
    TRANSLATION: I want to blame you for my mistakes.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We need to syndicate this decision.
    TRANSLATION: We need to spread the blame if it backfires.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to put on our marketing hats.
    TRANSLATION: We have to put ethics aside.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's not possible. It's impractical. It won't work.
    TRANSLATION: I don't know how to do it.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's a no-brainer.
    TRANSLATION: It's a perfect decision for me to handle.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'm glad you asked me that.
    TRANSLATION: Public relations has written a carefully phrased answer.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I see you involve your peers in developing your proposal.
    TRANSLATION: One person couldn't possibly come up with something so stupid.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: There are larger issues at stake.
    TRANSLATION: I've made up my mind so don't bother me with facts.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'll never lie to you.
    TRANSLATION: The truth will change frequently.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
    TRANSLATION: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Value-added.
    TRANSLATION: Expensive

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Human Resources
    TRANSLATION: A bulk commodity, like lentils or cinder blocks.

    MANAGEMENT SPEAK: The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees.
    TRANSLATION: The upcoming reductions will benefit me.
    notty_lad likes this.
  2. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    Laughs Out Loud ..

    especially ..
    An attempt to add ..

    MANAGEMENT: Well I'll look into it and get back to you.
    TRANSLATION: Get out of here .. You're useless.
  3. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    ^ Mwahhahaaaa, seems like some personal experience.
  4. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    Kinda .. But Later the management realised I am useFUL indeed .. n did get back to me :)

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