Love search

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by amitrichardxess, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. amitrichardxess

    amitrichardxess New Member


    I thought i had found love,
    But you ripped my heart out,
    And decided you'd try to put it back together
    But it was never mean't to be.

    I askd you for your hand,
    But you stab stab me though with your hand,
    What did i do to deserve this i ask,
    But i see now... Its the duat in me.

    I search for love now daily,
    For the one that is to love me truly,
    THe one to share the duat with,
    To share my hopes and dreams with.
    So now i wait, until the day,
    That i find my true love, until this day...
    ....Yet your lies sicken me to hell and forth.
  2. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    is this open for criticism..cos i want to rip it apart :cool:
  3. amitrichardxess

    amitrichardxess New Member

    yaaa Petunia go ahead i wont mind
  4. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    lol..alright here goes. and by no means am i challenging your talent. its merely a "want you to try harder"..

    i had read this earlier and well the first thought that ran through my mind, was a lame five boy band attempt at a love song.

    i read it again and can say that i see it from a different perspective i guess, but the immaturity in the feelings is still clear.

    Apparently, the first person (who is the narrator in the poem) seems to think of love as a game. Within two stanzas he is over the love and hand stabbing and now he is looking for it again. As if you can find it simply by looking under rocks and stones.

    two obvious issues i had with this poem is that, one: considering the deep emotional attachment involved with love and rejection..this was a very immature stab at it. You could have gone far with this idea. and two: the last line.. "yet your lies..." is like someone similar to the shock i had when i found out Dcaprio was going to be romeo. its completely out of place. you introduced a new idea.. a new emotion and then left us hanging.

    try to express yourself more. find what love means to you and how hurtful rejection may be and show it.
  5. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    wow good funny ... u knw when i was a kid and i use to hear in hindi movies ...female actor use to put the head of the male actor on her bosom when he demanded love...i thought when girls grow big, their boobs r love for same aged guys ... although after some technical videoes this mis belife went off

    but ur poem is also like that u take a torch and some accesorys also to catch love in case u find it...

    ok jokes apart...u feel these emotions u dont find them like things !!
  6. pinku23

    pinku23 New Member

    pagalate ho gaye ho kya richard ??????????????????????


    leave these comlex se x .leave them on there own they dont need us and we cant understand them they r really complex and hurt us in every aspects.

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