lol my first poem lol

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by faiqrock, Dec 23, 2006.

  1. faiqrock

    faiqrock XaiQ

    :p i was bit sad today so wrote this poem...its my first poem in my life ... so if any one can make corrections then pls do it ^^


    Maghar....

    kho gaya joh kabhi apna tha
    toot gaya woh sapna joh apna tha
    door ho kar bhi bohat pass thi woh
    maghar kismat ko yeh shayad manzoor na tha

    Jaan sey zayda jis ko chaha
    usi ney samjhney main bhool ki
    zinda tha tabh tak jabh tak woh sath thi
    dil ko jis ki chahat thi
    us ko paney ka junoon bhi tha
    jisam ki har sans pe usi ka nam tha
    maghar kismat ko yeh baat manzoor na thi

    abh zindagi main kuch na raha
    kuch paa kar kia karoon gha
    jabh tak yeh sansain chal rahi hain...
    Tumhara hi nam laboon sey loon gha...

    Faiq...

    waiting for comments :p:
     
    faiqrock, Dec 23, 2006
    #1
    i'm_not_neo and (deleted member) like this.
  2. #iR@

    #iR@ GANDI BACHI RELOADED

    *speechless*

    :shock:

    THIS CAN NOT BE UR FIRST POEM MR!!!!! i mean... :shock: its AMAZING! :nw: good job man... i mean mein urdu ki poems USUALLY nahi perhti cause u know kafi HI-fi words use kertay hein poets tou meray sir kay UPAR say guzar jati hai! :p but man this was like... SIMPLE WORDS which gave a perfect poem! impressive work man... but the main point... hope u feeling better... i know its kinda weird... but get sad more often so u can rite more of such amazing poems and post them here! :p: *lame joke* :eek:: anywayyyyy... hope things r better now! :)
     
    #iR@, Dec 23, 2006
    #2
  3. faiqrock

    faiqrock XaiQ

    LOL thankx hira :)...well yeah am feeling better now lol...ty:rock:
     
    faiqrock, Dec 23, 2006
    #3
  4. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    achhi hai...rather too good for a first attempt!

    reps my boy! :)
     
    vini, Dec 23, 2006
    #4
  5. i'm_not_neo

    i'm_not_neo el valor máximo absoluto

    That was really good....you've portrayed your feelings + pain in the most perfect way..and yeah thanx for keeping the poem simple and not getting all poet-ish...
    Simple words say it all.

    "Jaan sey zayda jis ko chaha
    usi ney samjhney main bhool ki"
    My favourite lines...looking forward to copying them in one of my future poems.:Lighten:

    Reps.
     
    i'm_not_neo, Dec 23, 2006
    #5
  6. faiqrock

    faiqrock XaiQ

    ty vini ^.^ and i'm_not_neo :p:
     
    faiqrock, Dec 23, 2006
    #6
  7. lord_neo

    lord_neo Guest

    Wow, i didnt know you wrote "poems". Good Job!
     
    lord_neo, Dec 23, 2006
    #7
  8. sanju_strings

    sanju_strings 50 Pai$e <3V/S<3 50 CeNt$

    good job last four lines .... :rock:
     
    sanju_strings, Dec 23, 2006
    #8
  9. faiqrock

    faiqrock XaiQ

    @neo: ^.^ Thank you...actually i even didn't knew that i can write :p:
    @Sanju: thank you sanju baba :p
     
    faiqrock, Dec 23, 2006
    #9
  10. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    lol made me think its a funny poem
    anyways

    nice effort faiq..
    sometimes the words get too transparent;)
     
    BubblyMartini, Dec 24, 2006
    #10
  11. faiqrock

    faiqrock XaiQ

    :p: may be cz i am not a professional or use to writter :p: ... i just wrote on the notepad what my mind said to me...;)
     
    faiqrock, Dec 24, 2006
    #11
  12. zicky5608

    zicky5608 Power Shortage

    Makes me feel you have attempted many times but this was your 1st successful one...nicely written moderator :p

    Had also forgotten ure name in ma siggy..edited.
     
    zicky5608, Dec 24, 2006
    #12
  13. faiqrock

    faiqrock XaiQ

    no aj u'r wrong ... i haven't attempted many times...if i had then i would hv posted it on IGT for sure...
    ny ways thnx
     
    faiqrock, Dec 24, 2006
    #13
    Devilshly_Pur$ likes this.
  14. 2good4you

    2good4you New Member


    this poem = story of 50% of boys....

    gr8 job... i seriously liked this poem... cuz i've seen my very close friend go through exactly the same thing..
     
    2good4you, Dec 26, 2006
    #14
  15. Devilshly_Pur$

    Devilshly_Pur$ Banned

    kuch hua hai ya aise he likhi hai.. faiqu.. ;)
    mast hai.. laga reh yaara.. :p:
     
    Devilshly_Pur$, Dec 26, 2006
    #15
  16. faiqrock

    faiqrock XaiQ

    @2good: thankx : )
    @devil: lol thankx bro
     
    faiqrock, Dec 26, 2006
    #16

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