Like a Fairytale..

Like a Fairytale...

Rambling a freeway thought
Wishing the hallway ended when the door closed behind
She smiled a knowing smile
The flowing gown marked the gliding steps
A shade of white with a hint of pearl
Tissue and satin brocade sat twirled
Little stars off the sky on her raven hair shone
A twinkle bright in her eyes lain
Shoes of pure silvery hue clung to the feet
A string of white laced the tresses
Hands quivered
The flowers felt heavy
The veil clothed the curve of her smile
She walked alone amongst the bevy
This was the threshold
Rabbits paw, clover leaved four
Horseshoe nail, the wishing well
Neither of which did ever quell
Luck was doomed before
It wouldnt exist hereafter
Vision she didnt ever
Two little angels would grace her endeavour
Petals in pure white strewn by them
Would be crumpled under her feet
Waltzing away they would smile back at her
But the disguise faded away
Something inside her heart crackled
Leaving her whey
Fauxing reality the fay like lady crept
A whiff of earth snuggled up in the air
Bare hands dropped a watery stone
Overtures of hers glazed over
It all changed to the color of mars thereafter
The tower bells tolled unattended
Whoever said would doubt their words hence
Fairytales dont always end with happily ever after's

---`-,--;--<@
_____________________



This may seem abstract..
but whether you like it or not
do gimme your honest comments

thanks for reading..

 

Mod or FL please change the title :

 

some lines r like truely a work of preciseness and variety, the fist thing wahich comes to my mind is
sapana hi to tha, kyaa huaa jo accha nahi ho ga
sapana hi to tha, kush kar gaya ki saccha nahi ho ga
...........................................................................

app ka language dhasuu hai

Rabbits paw, clover leaved four
Horseshoe nail, the wishing well
Neither of which did ever quell

well versed

 

Great use if imagery for a great theme. I like the structure, you're right, slightly abstract but it works. I would however suggest that some segments are a little bit choppy and repetitive.

Ex:

Removing that last "away" may be more effective, just a suggestion.

The last line is also a little bit cliché. Other than that, excellent work. Keep it up!

 

Nice work bubbs....

@Zafar ... I agree with most of what u said ...except the 'away' thing. I think it fits well there ......

 

Translation-
Theme- Fiction
Its the scene before a marriage ceremony
Location - interiors of a church

here goes

freeway thought- a two way thought

the church has a huge long hallway towards the main door of the church

knowing smile is self-explanatory

wedding gowns have a trail and they kinda sweep the ground as the bride walks

when water falls on a white cloth a totally different color is seen..it aint pure white but with a tinge of cream color

tissue and sating are fabrics..satin ribbons can be made into bows and flowers too

a jewel or some accessory which shines in jet black hair

the glint of her eyes was static to compliment the knowing smile

silver sandals with a tying thing at the ankles..
something like a ballet dancer jus with heels

hair tied with a lace

flowers though light felt heavy

walking alone in a crowd

threshold is the start of something

all four are supposed to be lucky and bring luck

quell or quench the thirst for want of luck to be on her side

self-explanatory

didnt ever dream of

here the angels are two flower girls
waltzing or flowing in their tiny gown
strewing petals before the bride as she walks down the aisle

the face lost color and the smile faded away

fauxing reality- faking reality
fay--fairy

scent of earth ..
could be because of rain, strong winds blowing
or the face getting closer to the earth coz of fainting or its likes

watery stone here means.. crystal clear stone..white Diamond ring

Color of mars-Red

every church has a bell
usually theres a bell ringer to ring the bell
but bells tolling unattending is considered bad omen

*phew*

 

Wont affirm anything
Zafar, Manu and Apu & Bjr thanks for reading!

@Zafar- thanks for the suggestion,it does make sense
@Manu- Thanks..that was the only thing that had a good rhyme..
didnt actually pay much heed to rhymes in this poem..that jus came naturally
@Apu- thanks..and people calling me bubz gets me all smiley smiley
@Bjr- thanks..i'm outta words


Thanks to whoever changed the title..

Note-The interpretation are my thoughts
they may not match to what you picturise

 

hmm, I'd actually bet my money against that <3






hmm, didnt know that about the tower bells...gave me a really cool image though.

 

Imagination beyond imaginations.

 

Bjr-i regret doing somethings
writing poems is one of them

Sharmontime- thanks

 

u all just disected her poem on a operation bed , even she participated .. strange !

 

mmh just when i thought this forum was doomed to mediocrity. pretty good effort, i liked it, even though ive never found myself attracted to such direct storytelling through poetry.
old fashioned, but in a nice way.

its a story, she explained it.

maybe because theres not much to interpret. i mean, its more decorative metaphor than those that attempt to abstract the idea of the poem

 

I usually go off on my own tangents when I'm reading stuff.

 

think the poetry needed 2 b explained to part-duumbs like me
that's 1 good thing rilly....
I like stories!!!

 

^ i love story tellers

 

^
is there a difference, mebbe....
You like the sun n I like the light?

 

bpo jobs from home.

good one ha.I loved it.
www.bpojobsathome.com

 

^
are you another spam/bot?

 

boobjobsathome.com ?