Lavz...........

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nimisha, Mar 7, 2006.

  1. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    its been so long.. i've posted any poetry here....
    today finally breaking my silence.. hope all of you welcome me again...

    i wanna thank all my friends.. who cared for me n pray for me in my difficult times.. who cheered me up to come to this stage..where i can write again.. n be strong enough to face everything... love you all....:nw: :nw:

    this is my first poetry..after long time.....


    Labz...........


    aaj kaid kar rahi hu,zindagi alfazon me..
    ke har lamha, har ek labz ban rahaa hai..
    ghol rahi hu iss nazm me, jaan isstarah..
    ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahaa hai..

    ro rahi hai kalam fut-fut ke aise..
    uss ke ashqon me bhiga kaagaz ban rahaa hai..
    sukh rahi hai shyaahi, tanhaa siskiyon se..
    kuch yu hi tanhaa,ye meraa labz ban rahaa hai..
    .........................ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahaa hai..

    thaam sake na mutthi me waqt ki reit..
    chhoot rahaa hai yu, ki be-garaj ban rahaa hai..
    laakh minnate kar rahe hai, hum waqt se aise..
    roke iss pal ko, kuch aisa labz ban rahaa hai..
    ..........................ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahaa hai..

    bhar gaye the kitne jakhm,waqt ke saath..
    aaj tazaa honaa unkaa, faraz ban rahaa hai..
    tamanna liye ke, dawaa kare koi..
    mere dard ki aah se ye labz ban rahaa hai..
    ...........................ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahaa hai..


    hope to have comment from all of you.....
     
  2. vishwa_reborn

    vishwa_reborn New Member

    nice to see u back nimmo....

    i m again the first one 2 reply... ur poem has the " dard " which i can feel in each n evry word....
     
  3. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    nice to see you..replying my poem first vishu....yes the poem is inspired by the 'dard'..

    feel like old days are back when we used to have lots of fun in this section...
    now u dont leave, n even i wont.. lets have fun here...:beer:
     
  4. zoomingrocket

    zoomingrocket TeChNiCaL AdMiNiStRaToR

    Good to see you back... and a beautiful poem...
    Keep writing n take care..


    REgards,
    Zooom..!!
     
  5. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    dear,
    first thing first ..its lavz not labz............
    poem was as usually impressive.....but itna dard kyoon bhai......medical collage main patients se udhaar liya hai to vapas kar do acchi cheej nahi hota...take a chill pill :)
    take care
     
  6. abhimanjrekar

    abhimanjrekar ----> Zhol-Man<----

    love u too nimmoo...good to see u back.......now our reg sessions wil also start ....hehehe...and be positive......and ya nice poem....
     
  7. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    great u r back!!!

    u back with a BANG!!!

    its gud to read ur poems again...............wonderful....i know the pain.
    u take care and cheer up.
     
  8. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    @zoom.... u just zooomed me wit ur care n concern... its been great to have friend like you.. thanks for being there...

    @madhuresh....:nw: :nw: thanks for letting me know that mistake... in next try i will consider that... n plz keep me correcting like that.. aur..main kya kisi se gum udhaar lu..meraa hi gum kaafi hai mujhe maarne ke liye...

    @abhi...missed u a lot... believe me..missed u a hell lot... thanks for ur warm welcome..

    @pamposh.... aap se baat kya huyi... aaj hum ne igt join kar liya.. thanks for encouragement... :beer:
     
  9. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    Nimisha i wud say average.. with no offences :). n u write good.. keep it up..

    :beer:
     
  10. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    ^^^ thanks sachoo... its always good to hear views bout my poem.. hope to see you always replying like that.....
     
  11. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Pleasure is all mine Lady.
     
  12. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    Its not even lavz its LAFZ .. u corrected her by somethin incorrect :p: ..

    Anyway nimmo nice effort to convey da feelin .. but i feel u've got a li'l basic of urdu grammar wrong i'm not sure.. e.g. yeh mera lafz ban raha tha .. it should be yeh mere lafz ban rahe the .. also things like "kalam fut fut ke" ?? futna doesn't go wid kalam .. a li'l odd .. and also da next line "uss ke asqon...." da grammar is wrong ..

    anyway .. this should inspire u to come wid better and better :) after all now ur da Poetry FL :grin:
     
  13. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Yep, higher, better and umm..something else. Anyways, i'm glad to see our forum leader is deserving of her job.......i hope that explains my views on your poems and dear lord, why dont you all good poetry critics critique my poems? :annoyed:
     
  14. Subhro

    Subhro Argentina lost :"(

    i liked ur poem vry much.. regardless of the gammatical flaws & etc etc..

    the last 2 stanzas were vry nice.

    can relate well 2 ur poem, n thts makin me feel kinda deprssd.

    shud go2 sleep now. & congrats on being the FL. tk cre. keep writin..
     
  15. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    You seem to have been thru a lot..
    i dont qualify to pass any judgements..
    but i kinda loved this poem..
    there are somethings some people can easily relate to..

    Tk care!
     
  16. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    first of alll....thanks for letting me know these mistakes...
    my urdu is weak..watever i write is just by learning from here n there...

    but i dont agree on fut-fut ke thing..
    hum dukh me fut-fut ke rote hai... so even kalam is crying fut-fut ke..
    it symbolise the continuity of thoughts... captured by pen on paper nonstop,when some1 tries to write..
     
  17. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    poem edited as per notty's correction...
    thanks notty ji...


    Lavz...........


    aaj kaid kar rahi hu,zindagi alfazon me..
    ke har lamhe, har ek lavz ban rahe hai..
    ghol rahi hu iss nazm me, jaan isstarah..
    ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahe hai..

    ro rahi hai kalam fut-fut ke aise..
    ke ashqon me bhige kaagaz ban rahe hai..
    sukh rahi hai shyaahi, tanhaa siskiyon se..
    kuch yu hi tanhaa,ye mere lavz ban rahe hai..
    .........................ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahe hai..

    thaam sake na mutthi me waqt ki reit..
    chhoot rahe hai yu, ki be-garaj ban rahe hai..
    laakh minnate kar rahe hai, hum waqt se aise..
    roke iss pal ko, kuch aise lavz ban rahe hai..
    ..........................ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahe hai..

    bhar gaye the kitne jakhm,waqt ke saath..
    aaj tazaa honaa unpe, faraz ban rahe hai..
    tamanna liye ke, dawaa kare koi..
    mere dard ki aah se ye lavz ban rahe hai..
    ...........................ke har shabd ek zinda nabz ban rahe hai..



    @disturbed, martina, subhro.... thanks...
    i think one in pain himself/herself can reate his/her feelings wit this poem..
     
  18. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    tum to pain killer bhi kha sati ho........kabhi kisi lady doctor ke paas ja kar ye kehna..
    siir se paoon main, paooon se pet main kabhi, ek jagah ho kahe dard yaha hota hai.....
    jab app ka purse khoo jaye, to app kaha paise rakhti hoo ?, sahi samjhi madam, kambakth vaha hota hai.........

    DOctor pagal hoo jaye gi ;)
     
  19. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    ^^^^^kaash dil ke dard pe bhi koi painkiller miltaa...
     
  20. .:SpY_GaMe:.

    .:SpY_GaMe:. New Member

    reads title

    thinks labz???

    is that a poem on lab??? ***shocked****:p:

    ****reads it****

    woooow thats a really touching one

    i like
    part :nw:


    keeep rocking nimi:rockon: :grin:
     

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