Kingdom come....

Kingdom come...

Warmth and coruscating light
Bewitches and beguiles
The stranger that crosses these lands

A simulacrum etched into his memory
Forever
It taunts him to return to this haven
Once and more again

The reminiscence of the pellucid waters
Call upon his very being to make the journey
Endure the arduous trials
That lead to the Zion in his mind

Ah, but in his rapacity the stranger
Doth forget the edict
That Zion was to be touched but once
for a single moment
No more.

Lo he arrived at his dream but
Alas what he met with
My enemies be spared from, i pray.

The light had vanished, been vanquished
Leaving behind engulfing darkness
The waters turned to blood before his sight
His Zion echoed with dying screams filled with agony
White pain ripping his soul apart

The stranger knelt down and sobbed
A voice tore through the black earth and spake
"The edict was for you to witness and follow
Now you suffer for your selfish indulgence
The screams you hear are the ones before you
You will die a slow death now
And join your brethren..die, i, the king have spoken"

This is my kingdom

I dont expect any of you to even come close to guessing what this poem really refers to.....as always, i wrote crap, picked a worse title and posted it.

 

Ok I read it very carefully .. Well written bud .. i must say .. but i'm missin a few links here .. Da stranger is in a land of Charm and scintillating light .. then he dreams of his Zion .. n realises he cannot go there coz of his Greed and selfishness .. WAT was His greed dat made him lose da Zion??? Also U started very well .. continued even better .. but da end got a li'l shaky n inferior .. by usage of sentences like this is muh Kindom, I da king have spoken .. Didn't quite get da dying concept too .. Wen he's already expelled from da kingdom n in a strange charmin place .. wats wid dyin ?? where is his brethren where he's destined to go .. ??

No doubt u've written it well .. but jz these doubts in muh mind ..

PS - U choose a simple word n look for its Tough equivalent in da Thesaurus don't ya :

 

doent lands any where....u know less about ur own creation.....(crap must be confused to entertain this one in his coterie...hahaha)

 

Ohk.. used a lot of shift F-7.... to get a lil view of what you have tried to write. :
I still cant claim that i got it all.... But i love the way you have written it. I m yet to achieve that flow of words and wonderful expression. Man... you are good at this !!
It somehow reminded me of the movie "Passion of the christ".... is ur poem in some way related to jesus??... just a wild guess.... and i m wrong most of the times :

 

This one was one of my, well, rather, my worst poem. And well, i confess being guilty of using the thesaurus for one word, rapacity. And the poem, mwahahaha, if i sat down and talked about exactly what each of the elements meant, you'd have a "Aha!" moment :grin: But let's leave it open to interpretation and leave it as one of my bad ones.
@madhuresh, dude i really appreciate you reading my poems, all i ask is some coherent advice.

 

Mwahaha, i used all the words i could remember from Philosophy class :grin: That is rather interesting that you would refer to the passion of the christ, my thoughts were nowhere near that, quite, quite the contrary actually. Just amazes me once again, how each one of us gets something different out of a poem, which is exactly why i dont explain the elements in my poem, however i'll talk to you on messenger and explain :grin: Thanks sis!

 

^^^:shock: .. wat bout explainin me ?? dammit I've read it so closely dat those questions I asked u are still haunting me :grrr:

EDIT: Behen ke saath partiality ha ! :annoyed:

 

All in due time :grin: Hehehe, behen is my employer and therefore entitled to an explanation :grin:

 

hmmmm...... kuch samajh nahi aya :

 

Awww *hug* T'is ok, thanks for reading darling.

 

poetry...................or narration..............simple words can create imagination truly captivating too......................

 

^That means....you liked it?

 

keep guessing........................you have the ryt to conclude..i liked or not...............

postive thinking is good for life..........

 

There's two variables involved, and if you cant decide on one, well, that's sorry for me. Thanks anyways.

 

abee tum dono seedha deedha kuun nahi bolteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
be clear of wht u wanna say....and do say what u wanna say...yahi app ki poetry main bhi hota hai !

 

Kingdom come...

Warmth and coruscating light
Bewitches and beguiles
The stranger that crosses these lands
a stranger comes to a land which attracts and amuses him

A simulacrum etched into his memory
Forever
It taunts him to return to this haven
Once and more again
something engraved in his memory, which always taunts him to return

The reminiscence of the pellucid waters
Call upon his very being to make the journey
Endure the arduous trials
That lead to the Zion in his mind
the remainant of clear water(something from his past may be) encourages him to make great efforts,to win the zion of his dreams

Ah, but in his rapacity the stranger
Doth forget the edict
That Zion was to be touched but once
for a single moment
No more.
but his greed makes him forget the edict(law-this might be some heavenly law)

Lo he arrived at his dream but
Alas what he met with
My enemies be spared from, i pray.
so when he reaches his dreams(that must be zion) all he cud find is..destruction which is beyond explaination.. even ur enemies shud be spared from such

The light had vanished, been vanquished
Leaving behind engulfing darkness
The waters turned to blood before his sight
His Zion echoed with dying screams filled with agony
White pain ripping his soul apart
the light which used to amuse him in this land..turned into darkness
clear water into blood... zion filled with screams(its just description of destructiion)

The stranger knelt down and sobbed
A voice tore through the black earth and spake
"The edict was for you to witness and follow
Now you suffer for your selfish indulgence
The screams you hear are the ones before you
You will die a slow death now
And join your brethren..die, i, the king have spoken"
so when stranger is crying for his loss... he cud hear a voice saying.. u have lost all,just cause of ur greed..its ur selfishness to not to follow edict..now u will suffer like hell..n u will joint the berthren..
as 'this is my kingdom'

thats all what i cud get from your poem...

a stranger...coming to the new land which amuses him... he tries to win over that land n zion for his greed.. ... but all he cud find is self destruction...as his selfish attitude dont allow him to listen and follow the edict....

husshhhhh.... that was tough...
now decephering that... i dont mind im right or wrong to find meaning of your poem.. but u sured teached me....words out of world...

i wud like to know...basic idea behind this poem..or this was just an attempt...to keep us all guessing for nothing....

 

Let's see, all you did was to literally, absolutely literally translate the poem into coherent english, that's all, you failed to grasp the concept, and believe me i EXPECTED you to fail. That's not a bad thing at all, oh no no, it simply shows my lack of skill to convey my theme, and that is why this is one of my worst poems. The basic idea is rather personal and i would not like to post an explanation, thank you for your time however, i really really appreciate it.

 

^^^ ohh...so i was right...
it was just guessing for nothing...

im happy....atleast i cud translate it into..simple english...
wish....my english teacher in school cud witness this..

 

^Actually, not to be rude or anything, you failed to even grasp the literal meaning...rather disappointed i am. And what exactly do you mean by "guessing for nothing"?

 

abee itni che che kar raha hai .....bas vahi nahi bolega jo kena hai ..
what was the idea behind this great piece of literary expression....?
wahts the point in beating around the bush...