This was my siggy until a few months back.... just added one more para to complete it… It was pain I wanted to feel It was blood I wanted to see It was death I wanted to meet But life conquered every time I went on to cheat It was numbness I wanted to breathe It was loneliness I wanted to heel With my tears I wanted to deal But life turned me down every time I wanted to treat It was smile I wanted to greet With intentions that were neat It was my fate I wanted to beat But life gifted me with pain that wasn’t so sweet
I like it except a cpl of lines like "wanted to treat" (what does that mean here anyway?) and "intentions that were neat" (??) guess u jst put those lines in to make it rhyme :grin: i know i'm being very critical of each n every line lately.. dunno what's gotten into me : so ur free to ignore that
Hmmm… the line ‘wanted to treat’ depicts that when ever I wanted to ‘celebrate’…. life turned me down & has taken away the opportunity… ‘intentions that were neat’ means…..’ intentions without any adulterations …pure intentions’ just wanted to play with words and write some sad emotions …in not so usual manner… so that the reader would have to think twice what that actually mean…. Par ab lagta hai twist kuchh zaada ho gaya… : Its always good to see ur reply…& criticism gives me an opportunity to explain the ‘behind the scene’ part of the poem… if m able to explain it well…then that’s good…otherwise I guess I have to work on that area too :
what u were trying to signify by those lines makes sense but not the words that u picked.. still, it's a pretty nice poem
^^^Thanks for reading i dont write with the intention to make a song outta it...its just that i pen down some thots whch come across my mind...but it wud b gr88 if some1 cud actually make a song outta any of them.
hmmmmmmmm... well if someone else would have ritten it i would have appreciated it more.. i know how well u can rite! but still liked it!
Just found out that this was 100th thread made by me.....yaay :dance: ...now this one is even more special chalo .... Indian team me to aaj kal dekhne ko milti hi nahi....i hv made a CENTURY
can i try to make a few changes n make a song out of this?? will try it tmrw if i am free..... :think: good work except 1-2 lines i did not quite like the neat part (crypt already highlighted it) repppppps
^Among all the gifts you have .. The strawberry one is quite interesting .. and has an intriguing message along with it too .. Who's given it to you .. lemme just check .. forgot to see the name ..
