Inner Mental Dirge

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by CrYpTiC_angel, Jan 2, 2006.

  1. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    I try to sleep
    There's just so much in my head
    So much to think about
    But nothing to dread

    I close my eyes
    All I see is a leather belt
    And broken bottles
    And feel the pain I once felt

    I see how I was despised
    And was always alone
    Always quiet
    And under everyone's control

    Now control me, heh
    You'll never even guess
    What I'm capable of
    I'll never confess

    I will never get caught
    Such is my power
    Maybe tomorrow you'll be the stranger
    Over whose body, I'll tower

    I wake up in the morn
    With a lot on my mind
    Blood and gore
    And all the bodies I left behind

    The clock ticks away
    As I meticulously plan
    The next magnificent murder
    I'll commit with these hands.

    The title was suggested by shsnawada (thnx!)
    notty_lad likes this.
  2. shsnawada

    shsnawada Cyborgs & Pasta

    I like the last lines a lot (well the others too, but the last lines were better). Very nice work....

    ps: Ask me for titles or whatever anytime :beer: If that means reading your stuff beforehand :D
  3. #iR@


    wow.... nice one.. it contains a lot of strong emotions
  4. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    its like the word used in it... magnificent!!
  5. abhimanjrekar

    abhimanjrekar ----> Zhol-Man<----

    another one...hmm... how i like to read ur poems...damn my pc..i cant copy paste this thin ...will try later.....cryptu..the invi murderer ..( hollow woman ).....give up engineerin yaar...nathin in it...u r awesome in these works.............
  6. Hardik

    Hardik .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.

    :nw::nw:.........i am out of words now....:nw:
  7. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    @shs.. i jst love the title, thnx again!

    @hira.. thnx! keep rockin gurl!

    @nimisha.. thnx a lot! :)

    @abhi.. thnx :) dont 4get to add this one to the collection!

    @hardik.. ur lack of words says it all ;) thnx!
  8. akkyy21

    akkyy21 #%@!$&

    @ cryp : Hehe, ur a wannabie super-woman or sumthin?, n yeah, Cryptic,... u into BDSM? ;)
  9. rams+ein

    rams+ein New Member

    so u got exp of BDSM|!!!!!!!!!!!! :p: :p: :p: :p: :p: :p:

    neways nice poem................way to go angel..........any poems on ramms?
  10. akkyy21

    akkyy21 #%@!$&

    Nah,.. juzz wonderinm,.... after i read the 1st 2 para's, i was sure this is abt BDSM. But alas, it ended as wat i said above "wannabie super-woman" :p:

    Note: cryp, no personal shi.t man, juzz wat i tht.
  11. rams+ein

    rams+ein New Member

    now dont u say that mr. akki u know angel cant be a bondage labaror :p:
  12. akkyy21

    akkyy21 #%@!$&

    get some work, no need to bother over others comments here, that was just genral stuff,...........
  13. notty_lad

    notty_lad sudo undress

    @cryptu .. cool stuff .. Great use of da pen i must say :)
  14. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!


    err... "superwoman"?? how did u arrive at that... most of my poems used to be an exaggeration of what i'm goin thru but not this one.. it's frm some1 else's point of view


    thnx... nope, no poems on ramms.


  15. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    cryptic_angel + BDSM = *drool + slurp*

    poem is OK.
  16. esgallindeion

    esgallindeion Minstrel Knight

    Good attempt. More like a metal song as the sudden breaks in rhythm (short lines, long lines) can be used as dynamics like growls and screams... As a poem, I would have rather you not mentioned "murder" and "bodies" as it would have brought in an element of mystery and openness. But thats what I would have done.
  17. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    good approch....
  18. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    good to c good poems aftr a good holiday for good four days:grin: dont worry about too much usage of good....cos the poem is indeed usual :):)
  19. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!




    yeah i know what u mean....... thnx



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