In jeans with chappals

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by monica_decosta, Dec 12, 2008.

  1. The best thng abt this place(site ) is dampness :)..i love the taste !!
    read this

    So,put it simply in jeans with chappls..
    nothing needs make up, bellay of bangles..
    i can hear the night, touch the sound of the drops..
    kiss the wispers of sunlight...

    slolitude i owe you a lot
    dillusion you were useless i thought
    sounds i sought..
    sounds i got..
    look how lovely gifts you brought

    belive me with most near ones around
    with all happy and me barefoot on ground
    want to leave the town..
    will swim and will droun..
    waving the mask of a cloun..
    all's will be fun, so no one will turn around..

    the good-bye cards are not cheap... 100 buks in staples...
    So i put it simply in jeans with chappals
    .....

    solitude i owe u a lot...!!
     
  2. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    The first verse was awesome. You paint some very pretty pictures with your words.


    You've spoilt the rest of it by trying too hard to rhyme it...it comes out a little forced I though. I think you should rework this. It's too pretty to be left like this.
     
  3. acoustic12

    acoustic12 New Member

    amazing poem.. I loved it.. u got a tune to it as well..?
     
  4. thanks bjr andacoustic... this ws actually in hindi .... i felt shy putting it up like the way it was...so translated it ....and like all other words it just became some words
     
  5. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    I'd be interested in reading it in hindi if its better. I suck at hindi though :(
     
  6. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    wel it'd b wonderful both ways...y dont u post it in HIndi?
     
  7. rockbuster

    rockbuster New Member

    its nice ... put hindi version also ...
     
  8. nope hindi is like very pure .. transparent kind of language ... it becomes difficult to hide who u are...i love english <hide>

    well thanks for reading and commenting !
     
  9. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    you always remind me of bubblymartini in the way you think. Try checking out her poems on here.
     
  10. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    @monica
    hehe yea...dats y ppl tell u 2 post 1 in hindi also
     

Share This Page