iluusion or not??

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by nandy0894, Jun 20, 2010.

  1. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    there is too much to absorb...but my naive heart does not understand...
    i look..i ponder...i observe...bt all i find is cheap politics involved in every single errand...
    i goggle at the faces with so many different masks
    i still dont get a thing except for hatred stains and fake marks...
    families....relations...bonds...no such thing exists
    some ppl i guess do try to stay away bt d temptation they cannot resist...
    brother-sister...mother-son....husband-wife...none evokes a spontaneous feelin' of love or tenderness that it used to...
    i dug up a lot....did researches..observed ...did everything that a young heart could do...
    then defeated i asked people and inquired ... none gav me me an explanation that my heart desired...
    everybody turned me down wid "u r not goin' to understand...u r still too young...
    these were my family whom i grew among...
    some say that there is no such thing....the bond still exists...its just ur illusion...
    but of this i feel sure that i mite b young...naive bt not stupid to take it just as an illusion...
    the bond has died away
    the emotns hav gone astray..
    everybody has turned into a cold blooded greedy beast...
    bein' powerful is d only idea upon wich dey feast...
    may b i am being to rash,....mayb the situation is not dat bad..
    bt i knw ... may b i am just a lil' upset ...bt watever it is it makes me feel sad...
    i feel dat i dun' belong here...
    nd bout one thing i do swear...
    i am not gonna turn so ruthless...watever the circumstances may b...
    i have a beatin' heart....i ha an alive soul...and i am a human whose always gonna b tender .. lovin' nd free..
     
  2. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    I like the idea, the feelings, and a few lines are exceptionally good.
    Young ppl most often understand things that others consider them inept at. So true.

    But somehow, i din't find the presentation impressive...or is it the irregular use of words and rhymes, or just the fast pace of the thingie, i found it tough to read, but a good read anyway.

    Maybe its true, emotions don't carry punctuation marks, and so it comes out that way in your poetry. But yes, you're so much better...

    Also, the third line has a typo error, could you correct it? Maybe I'm being dumb, but I din't understand what it said.
     
  3. Im loving it...

    Keeep going like this its a long thread of small small puzzle points

    keep posting u rock *kiss*
     
  4. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    thnk u sooo much.. :) \m/
     
  5. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    hey...thnkx a lot...nd i edited dat line...nw i hope u'd get it....
     
  6. benchwarmer

    benchwarmer New Member

    hey...i loved that...u r a lyricist for me too...actually u write sorta philosophical rap that nobody writes here...but this time what i felt u know, the overall rhythm is kind of lackin here...this is only my view...i still loved that lil girl... :) ...
     
  7. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    aaah...thnkx a lot dear... ^_^ ... btw... i felt d same...:p
     
  8. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    Humanity…hmm nice theme!!
    I’d love to read more frm u :)
     
  9. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    thnk u soo much dear... :)
     

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