hola, lon time no c ...! good 2 cu guyz posting some awesome sht , newayz i hope u guyz have a good read comments, alwayz luv em Pray 4 the motivated to get where he wanna ! this is kinda song cum poem I WILL ! ok lets start it this way, i was a looser....(still??) things i said, i never did, goals that i had set, neva achieved, i knew where 2 go,,but didnt knw how 2 get there.., Actually,path was so straight but, self - created dead ends! i wanted 2 touch the sky, wanted 2 shine like a star, wanted to b some 1 , with everything! but now im the one possesing nothing! loved ones with expectaions high,slammed on the floor so hard. Every eye contact, increasing guilt inside, Shameful im , Hopeless i dont waann b. Meaningless! ma words stated before i start! Yes, Eclipsed!, ma light of hopes! i wanted 2 touch the sky, wanted 2 shine like a star, wanted to b some 1 , with everything! but now im the one possesing nothing! Now, things will change! They will turn out 2 , the way i want it 2 b! dead ends will b extended! till ma path of success!! Massive change ! yes! Cant live with the guilt, dont waana die with 1 ! Alteast do enough so i can love maself! No matter hw hard i fall, i will rise! Dont waana b like,small broken pieces, hard 2 GLUE! some 1 said, "Everyone has the ability to be anything they want to be, there are few, that choose to be who they are." i believe him!"now" ! success, here i come, hold me tight! I WILL touch the sky, I WILL shine like a star, I will b some 1 possessing everything! !
THE MOODS TIME drops in decay, Like a candle burnt out, And the mountains and woods Have their day, have their day; What one in the rout Of the fire-born moods Has fallen away? ....william butler yeats all is perception victory or defeat and moods change.... good attempt !
hmmm...........thanx! lol i hardly follow ne poet! =)) madhuresh ur poems r awesome sometimes hard 2 understand but yeah awesome!!! thanx 4 ur comments keep it comng! every 1 esle..... where ru guyz
Haha..well the optimism is downright obvious.And I would hate to criticize an optimistic one.Anything that gives hope is never bad.I can see you weren't concerned with rhyming..good.The only thing that was a tad bit irritating was that I couldn't catch the flow.I mean you hadn't rhymed at most of the places AND the stanzas had variable no. of lines..so it was hard to catch a rhythm.Felt like a prose at times.And some lines could be,errr...better put/stated.BUT,it shouldn't matter.The message was loud and clear.
neo, seriously was waitin 4 ur reply ... ... firstly, i m neva concerned abt ryhming *yet i call it a poem* newayz, at some place it jst happens!(ryhming) its jst that i wanna b clear abt my idea ..which i like to pen in simple words! talkin abt this particular poem, lol i was actually gonna write a song...that is why u can c paras repeating ...consider them as chorus in end it turned to be somethin in between...newayz, i dont knw i personally like this shit what i have wriittten...ne improvements i can make plz do lemme knw!! newayz, keep it coming neo....ur a good critic ...' ya overall it was good..some words here n there ' hehehehe *i wish someday i can pen like the FLOYD's ^^ *
You know,I read this poem and the way it was carelessly put,I could tell this was more of a heartfelt effort.That's why I refrained from commenting too much on the "flow" of the poem. Ultimately,that's all that matters.
u got it right it was more of a heartfelt effort! Neo, make me understand difference between a well framed, organized and high level vocab and a poem written in much a simpler manner , a bit unorganized ...in d end what matters is the msg that poem trying to gv out! how high the eyebrows raise doesnt matter on how well u frame it but what ur tryin to say! thats how i think ! personally , im not influenced by ne poet as i dont refer to ne i jst come up with some random shit and i pen it the way i like it Neo u urself and others here are awesome writers full respect man .....and whatever u guyz comment will help me lol i dont knw why others dnt bother to reply! :|
Yupp,I could tell it was.And "carelessly" was not meant in a bad way. Ok,so I'm replying to your second paragraph in the reply above.Well,"high vocabulary",I've come to know is not used as a show-off but often as a way to express complex ideas.Some words better define a situation and often one word of "high vocabulary" can replace what many lines can't say. The message,of course,is the soul of a poem.But a soul needs a body.My bad analogies aside,often,the message loses its credibility due to the presentation.For eg, you can read Sukrut's Ocean Of Sorrow or even "The Fool & the lamp" written by me. My point is,the way you write is just as important as what you write.If you can blend the two together,you get a masterpiece. None of this,is related to your write.Its more of a general statement.And as I said,your theme was optimistic enough to neglect the presentation as such.
satisfactory reply neo.. P.S -> aare the 2nd parah in ma above reply , ahh i was jst asking in general..not considering this particular poem....! and also, aare yaar it is very annoying when ppl dont bother to comment re...i dont wanna hear good abt me ....but the bad.. so i can b better next time lub u guyz cheerss ::beer::
thanx for reading and yeah, life is a straight road with hell lotta red signals... every individual at some point, in their lives, will come across this knda situation...!