(just a small try to capture simple thoughts in a guy's mind) she was reading a book, n i was watching her.. going thru the pages, reading every line, that book was like a person to her and she was watching him quiet closely.... going thru her face, reading every emotion, that girl was like a book to me and i was reading her quiet well.... a faint smile on her face, and glint in her eyes, surely something must have amused her.. may be it was something interesting in the book, or may be it was just some bizzare thought in her mind.. huh!!! god knows!!! i was amused too.. some bizzare thoughts in my mind too.. why it was so interesting to watch her? may be it was that captivating faint smile on her face, or may be it was just that glint in her eyes.. huh!!! god knows!!! now i was puzzled and then.. slight raised eyebrow of her.. she must be astonished too, puzzled too.. she must be thinking, how a writter can write such a beauty.. wat a coincidence, n i was wondering, how a creator can create such a beauty.. will i ever find answer to it??? well, i dont care! i just kept watching her, while she was reading a book.. or shud i say.. she was watching a book, n i was reading her..
^So what was the purpose? If you didnt notice this distinct characteristic about yourself, let me remind you, you are a girl too. What comes from your mind is a girl's perspective, not a guy's. This whole exercise was futile.
she was watching a book, n i was reading her.. good line to end the flow....Aisa hota to hai but only when no one else is watching ...and yes not just the face ..the figure shud also be good ...otherwise i dont see for long ! all in all capturing attempt limit ur extravagance with words varna thoda aur suspense banta
Hehee ..I shud hv been more specific huh? Well! m talking bout the standard set by her with her other great poems (shes a good poet) ... this one just isnt like her other poems ...
first of all.. thanks @apurb.. coz u still believe i can write good:nw: :nw: i was expecting such replies for sure.. but sarat, u r quiet harsh on me.. (oh sorry.. thats ur attitude! i forgot!!: ) hehehehehe..! it was a two minute try to write something with the line "i was reading her" in it.. seems.. it was disaster.. but people plz be ready for my second attempt with same line, which will be coming soon.. i will get better.. or i might just get worst @vini n madhuresh.. u people inspire me to write more of this crap by saying "good attempt" or may be its just me.. who goes on n on..:think: :think:
I have two options when i read a poem. I can either give my complete honest critique about it or i can just go, "OMFG, AWESOME WORK, REPS", you choose what you want and dont complain afterwards.
was i complaining???? i dont think so.. take a look again.. it was just an expression..! please.. i dont dare to complain boss:nw: :nw: (seems i started to spam again..huh!)
Johny Bravo Quote: Originally Posted by madhuresh ...and yes not just the face ..the figure shud also be good ...otherwise i dont see for long ... Tharki !!! PEHLE APNI AUKAAT SABIT KAR BACCHE Phir bool... And nimisha ji koii aur hota to kuch kehta bhi, abhi app se kyaa kahen ! Dil vaale kuch unn, vaadoon ko nibhate hain Tum gali keh-do-to, vo duniaa chood jate hain... Do u want me not to comment ?
Ok here goes my synopsis on ur poem.... ^^ this para made some sense but in bits....some gud lines in here. In all not a great poem but not worst too..
