-He , She and the Destiny -

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by BubblyMartini, Mar 25, 2006.

  1. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    ~He, She and the Destiny~

    His wanderlust brought him to earth
    gliding on a thunder
    anticipating a blunder
    undone from his demonal dues
    with his heart full
    he was left empty handed
    now that the soul was free
    His heart left branded
    walking past a glade
    setting his eyes on the wrong being
    he then saw her tossing her tresses free
    knowing it would just be a sojourn
    something inside his heart turned auburn
    being the last in his tier
    he dreaded to do the forbidden
    having written his own doom
    he believed this moment was mended
    her mocking eyes appeared enticing
    smile alluring glinted the eyes
    his garb shone in the morning light
    her skin gleamed having basked in the sun bright
    it made him momentariy ecstatic
    banished the thought of her being a demon
    for she glowed in a light divine.
    hidden among the rustling weeds she caught his eye
    mystical eyes guided her path in the rye.
    he saw her turning a different shade of blue
    an asp crawled past her
    was seen slithering into the rye
    turning his back on her
    relieved his destiny didnt go wrong
    holding no remorse
    Swiftly he departed,
    bringing his short journey to a close


    yh yh ....i know its Huge!! :eek::
    gimme your comments
    whether u like it or you hate it..

    looking forward to hear from the ones who read

    astroguru26 likes this.
  2. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    the usage of words is good ...tresses haha...hey r u satanic..
    any ways good poem....
  3. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    nope i'm not satanic..
    its jus some of my poems which may make u feel that way...

    thanks for reading dude!
  4. Sanjay Mazumder

    Sanjay Mazumder ~..::MASTERMIND::..~

    I liked it but I feel that it's not that good like ur other poems.

    But the flow is quite nice.
  5. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    Thanks Sanjay!!
    i'll try to improve..:eek::
  6. taxyse

    taxyse t3h.

    puhhhhhh...like what dude???? i found this the best :nw: :nw:
    (or is it that i am a bad critic :think: )
    but neway yaar bubbly....for me ..this is ur best work till date....keep up the good stuff......

    P.S- eh...can u not put some 'word meanings' or 'kathin shabd' columns at the end of each of ur poems :grin:
  7. Sanjay Mazumder

    Sanjay Mazumder ~..::MASTERMIND::..~

    @tax, that was what I felt. She writes much better.

    And Bubbly, U don't need to improve..... U write wonderful..... but I did comment only about this poem.
  8. idefixe

    idefixe New Member

    i think u were trying too hard with this poem...also there a lot of rhyme...
    u should have let the words flow...........annd workrd on the meter abit
    anyways nice theme of the poem ...............i kind of liked it, I loved the last two lines.......they are very lyrical.........

    Anyways do keep writing................lol
  9. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    thanks taksh..:)
    i'l post a glossary for all my poems whenever neccesary..
    this poem i dont think needs one..
    and you arent a bad critic as long as you are honest
    i wouldnt mind if you term my poem as good or bad..
    the opinions and views vary from person to person..

    hey Sanjay.. :) thanks dude..
    well.....when i said i'l try and improve..i meant it!
    each poem is differnt from the others..some themes may seem similar.. but the poetess is the same..so maybe it may get repetitive
    getting to the point.... its hard to express somethings..and find the right words for them..
    i may get lucky with one poem...but the fate aint the same with the others..

    thanks for being honest .i appreciate it:)

    well...maybe u maynot belive this
    but all the words in there have been written in one go
    i did try and redo it and make it look better than this
    but i was outta words...........(err..yh! :eek::)
    the rhyme scheme aint forced...thats the way i write sometimes
    people have told me i shouldnt be emphasising on the rhyme but the main plot of the poem..
    your comments are quite helpful..
    i never write my poems for poetry sake...
    its jus another medium i've learnt.. ;)

    Thanks everyone.... i'll surely try and improve
  10. sachoo

    sachoo drenched in my pain again

    hehehehe... she's definately not satanic .. LOL @bubbly :p: .

    nice one :beer: .
  11. akkyy21

    akkyy21 #%@!$&

    he, she n destiny,.. wow so amazing

    psst : where is The IT? :p:
  12. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    @Sachoo.. thanks yaar..means a lot when people comment

    @akky.. thanks!!..
    lol....why do u need the IT:p:

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