~He, She and the Destiny~ His wanderlust brought him to earth gliding on a thunder anticipating a blunder undone from his demonal dues with his heart full he was left empty handed now that the soul was free His heart left branded walking past a glade setting his eyes on the wrong being he then saw her tossing her tresses free knowing it would just be a sojourn something inside his heart turned auburn being the last in his tier he dreaded to do the forbidden having written his own doom he believed this moment was mended her mocking eyes appeared enticing smile alluring glinted the eyes his garb shone in the morning light her skin gleamed having basked in the sun bright it made him momentariy ecstatic banished the thought of her being a demon for she glowed in a light divine. hidden among the rustling weeds she caught his eye mystical eyes guided her path in the rye. he saw her turning a different shade of blue an asp crawled past her was seen slithering into the rye turning his back on her relieved his destiny didnt go wrong holding no remorse Swiftly he departed, bringing his short journey to a close --,-'--<@ yh yh ....i know its Huge!! : gimme your comments whether u like it or you hate it.. looking forward to hear from the ones who read Thanks!
nope i'm not satanic.. its jus some of my poems which may make u feel that way... thanks for reading dude!
puhhhhhh...like what dude???? i found this the best :nw: :nw: (or is it that i am a bad critic :think: ) but neway yaar bubbly....for me ..this is ur best work till date....keep up the good stuff...... P.S- eh...can u not put some 'word meanings' or 'kathin shabd' columns at the end of each of ur poems :grin:
@tax, that was what I felt. She writes much better. And Bubbly, U don't need to improve..... U write wonderful..... but I did comment only about this poem.
i think u were trying too hard with this poem...also there a lot of rhyme... u should have let the words flow...........annd workrd on the meter abit anyways nice theme of the poem ...............i kind of liked it, I loved the last two lines.......they are very lyrical......... Anyways do keep writing................lol
thanks taksh.. i'l post a glossary for all my poems whenever neccesary.. this poem i dont think needs one.. and you arent a bad critic as long as you are honest i wouldnt mind if you term my poem as good or bad.. the opinions and views vary from person to person.. hey Sanjay.. thanks dude.. well.....when i said i'l try and improve..i meant it! each poem is differnt from the others..some themes may seem similar.. but the poetess is the same..so maybe it may get repetitive getting to the point.... its hard to express somethings..and find the right words for them.. i may get lucky with one poem...but the fate aint the same with the others.. thanks for being honest .i appreciate it well...maybe u maynot belive this but all the words in there have been written in one go i did try and redo it and make it look better than this but i was outta words...........(err..yh! the rhyme scheme aint forced...thats the way i write sometimes people have told me i shouldnt be emphasising on the rhyme but the main plot of the poem.. your comments are quite helpful.. i never write my poems for poetry sake... its jus another medium i've learnt.. Thanks everyone.... i'll surely try and improve
@Sachoo.. thanks yaar..means a lot when people comment @akky.. thanks!!.. lol....why do u need the IT:
