Emptiness turns into hatred

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by sukriti_hats, Jun 12, 2010.

  1. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    Now that this place has become soo boring so i thought of posting a new poem
    i wrote it today only...don't ask me why i wrote it...coz m still feeling empty :p

    ATTENTION - IS ALL I WANT FROM YOU

    As blank as a white sheet of paper
    I feel as numb as my long and frozen fingers
    Not a single shade of expression on my face
    I lie cold as in empty corridors my soul lingers

    Give happiness to others and stay empty within
    Is this all left to do in my life?
    And the ‘others’ don’t even care
    How much I suffer in this never-ending strife

    I sigh at my reflection in the depths of the mirror
    And try to search for things that are unexplored
    And still no thoughts come in my mind
    I feel pity on the empty face so much adored

    My eyes they are dark and empty
    My lips they are now blue and cold
    In dire need of arms which can embrace
    And return my soul which, to a butcher, I sold

    I wait, as this emptiness turns into hatred
    Hatred for the things you never returned
    Hatred for the attention I now lack
    And hatred for the feelings which have burned

    Again and again I feel the same
    And yet again this thought has come back to me
    My transient feet feel so weak and insignificant
    In front of your mighty and immortal sea

    i wanted to edit the heading of the poem....but cudn't edit the name of the thread...so the real heading is wateva i've written here n not the name of the thread
     
  2. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    nice one.... :p ...totally suits d situation... :p gud one..keep it up..!! :)
     
  3. Tis is consufued form of poetry ... and the words u have used are soo soo common that i hate such usage specislly: sigh, linger, soul, numb DUMB...............

    About the thought its ok kind...u could have done a fusion of sooo many things u didnt :( just in a haste to post.hmm
     
  4. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    @nandy: thnx ^_^

    @monica: it's really very good of you to give your advices and suggestions which are always welcome :)
    i agree that this is a confused form of poetry and is not up to mark
    but i disagree with a part of your comment "just in a haste to post"...i don't write poems to post on IGT...neither do i write them to show it to everyone....so u'd better say that i was in a haste to get away with the ill-feeling and thus i ended up in writing something that i know all ppl won't appreciate....it's just that i wanted to share it so that others could understand how i felt (and give a lil bit of sympathy...but every1 is confused so i don't expect it anymore)
    and as for the words...everyone has his/her own opinions n choices
    well...thanks a lot for bothering and giving adivces :) :* m happy :)
     
  5. lol....gud ...i hope u will share smtihing really gud the next time

    i dont feel any thing wrong if people r not posting...if i dont hv any thing to post ..i wont..but i hv one idea an am wrking on it..so will
     
  6. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Sukriti, I think you have written something that even you have not been able to comprehend. Please read your poem again and again and then you will realise that you have written something really "AMAZING".

    Some of the lines like -

    "I sigh at my reflection in the depths of the mirror"

    "My transient feet feel so weak and insignificant
    In front of your mighty and immortal sea"

    They are really deep and create a beautiful Imagery.

    Its very well done, maybe even you are not aware of it, as if now
     
  7. ^ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!

    if some one has not done gud ...he /she must knw it...this helps
     
  8. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    I think Sukriti has done really well and irony is that even she is not aware of it. I think you need to pay some more attention to usage of metaphors and their meanings. Its not about sighs, linger, souls etc, the words used are immaterial, its all about what they convey in association.

    There are some more posts here in this forum where some fancy words have been used for which people shower praise however they are so shallow.

    "Confused poetry" is just the state of mind of the reader and Sukriti has been too modest to accept it.
     
  9. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    i normally avoid common words...but this piece looks really amazig
    Transient.. growing up...feet..you...hmmm...i love the emotions behind those two lines
    And yes, i liked the 3rd para the most..it gives so much n everyone can associate with it..
    Emptiness often leads to general hatred for things around...hope you find peace soon.. :)
     
  10. sukriti_hats

    sukriti_hats Member

    thank u thank u thank u
    actually...i didn't like this poem too much because it ws a result of anger....the fact is that i become angry if i find out dt someone is not giving attention to me...but i kno i shud not get frustrated coz of small things...so this mix of feelings leaves me feeling empty and confused finally
    but actually there's anger....so hatred also develops
     
  11. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    think of it this way...you can act so freely, independent if someone is'nt paying attention. Not if u really wanna giv some message, its really frustrating then. Otherwise I actually enjoy it when people dont keep irritating me to do things their way.
     

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