Employee Performance Evaluations

Discussion in 'The ChitChat Lounge' started by BubblyMartini, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember,
    it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from
    federal government employee performance evaluations.

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom
    and has started to dig."

    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

    3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more
    of a definite won't be."

    4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like
    a rat in a trap."

    5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change

    6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

    7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
    to achieve them."

    8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

    9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the

    10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it
    all together."

    11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary

    12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

    14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

    15. "He's been working with glue too much."

    16. "He would argue with a signpost."

    17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

    18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

    19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the
    other one."

    20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

    21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

    22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

    23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train
    isn't coming."

    24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out
    looking for it."

    25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a

    26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get

    27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

    28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

    29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

    30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only

    31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

    32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

  2. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    people know well how to take advantage of Narrative form Appraisals..as good as nothing!..lolz...what a bunch of statements!! :RollLol:

    My fave:
    "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
    "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get
    Good Ones!! :think:
  3. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Believe it or not, I have been given a few of those.
    And I Intend to give atleast three of those in future.

    Now don't ask me which ones.
  4. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening


    10 characters giggle along.
  5. the_wizard

    the_wizard Omega == God

    I said "wtf" to my boss a couple of days back on IM.

    Now I think he might publish it in this years appraisal report :(
  6. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    u said "WTF" as a performance evaluation statement? :confused:
    lol..u sure have them GUTS
  7. the_wizard

    the_wizard Omega == God

    nah we were chatting (on the corporate messenger service) regarding something I shud have done...but I didnt do....so I accidently typed "wtf".....

    the problem is my appraisal is due....and the feedback session is like next week so it is very likely that he will remember the "wtf" till that time :'(
  8. sixstringsin

    sixstringsin ||||||

    "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
    to achieve them." :RollLol:

    related fwd i recvd on self appraisal:
    A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a
    soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.
    He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the
    buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven

    The store-owner observed and listened to the

    The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of
    cutting your lawn? The woman replied, "I already have
    someone to cut my lawn." "Lady, I will cut your lawn
    for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn
    now." replied boy.

    The woman responded that she was very satisfied with
    the person who was presently cutting her lawn. The
    little boy found more perseverance and offered,"Lady,
    I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on
    Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of
    North Palm beach,Florida."

    Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile
    on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.

    The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked
    over to the boy and said, "Son... I like your
    attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like
    to offer you a job."

    The little boy replied,"No thanks, I was just checking
    my performance and the job I already have.I am the one
    who is working for that lady, I was talking to !"

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