Ek andheri raah mein.....

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Ali Yawar, Aug 5, 2012.

  1. Ali Yawar

    Ali Yawar New Member

    Ek andheri raah mein jalta diya ho,
    Us diye ke paas koi jhonpri ho
    Jisme kai roye,mera naam lekar,
    Thak-haar ke jab saari duniyaa so gayee ho.
    Main andheri raat ka tanha musafir,
    Ghoomta,banjaarepan ka rog lekar.
    Phir koi shakhs,kyunkar jiye yun,
    Meri yaadon ke puraane sog lekar.
    Par vo paglee,ab tak jee rahee hai,
    Meri dhundli-dhundli yaadon ke sahare.
    Main gaya kab ka vahan se naav lekar
    Vo baithi hai ab tak vahin,nadiya kinare.
    Vo os ki boondon ke jaisi uski aankhein
    Khoi-khoi ,jaise sapna dekhti hon.
    Ab raat ke andhere mein kuch dhundti hain,
    Jaise teergi mein mera rasta dekhti hon.
    Mujhe bhi yaad hai sab,
    Kuch bhi to bhoola nahi hoon.
    Vo andheri raat,vo megha kaare-kaare,
    Vo uska lams,vo saavan ki phuharein
    Vo baadlon ki garj se uska kaanp jaana,
    Vo hamari saanson ka yun hi paas aana.
    Uska jhonpri mein, daur kar,bhaag jaana,
    ‘Beemar ho jaaoge’ keh kar ,mujhe bhi kheench laana.
    Vo machis khoj ke uska ek deeya jalana,
    Phir na jane kyun khud hi usko bujhana.
    Baadlon ke beech khoti chaandni vo
    Tez hoti dharkano ki raaginee vo.
    Mujhe bhi yaad hai,
    Kuch bhi abhi bhula nahi hun.
    Ab bhi jab ghirti hai saavan ki ghataein,
    Chalnein lagti hain bahki si havaein
    Lagta hai mujhko ki phirse,
    Kisi ne bahon mein apnee,
    thaam liyaa ho.
    “Tum mere ho”,
    Haule se,
    Kisi ne kaha ho…….
    Ek andheri raah mein jalta diya ho………..
     
  2. kaafi aacha lika hai.... wah wah

    I could imagine an entire hindi filmy scene with rain drops cool breeze and hot bodies :p
     
  3. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    Its good...worth composing into a song
    btw I could see a stanza-idea lag of two lines there...it sometimes takes away the fun...
    Its like you expect the same idea to be continued when alternate lines rhyme. Its not just rhyming of lines, but also of ideas, else, there could be a slight confusion in comprehending.
    But I could put up a nice music to it, and it has got a 'Strings' feel to it.
     
  4. Ali Yawar

    Ali Yawar New Member

    Bro,it's because this poem is like a man talking with himself in his head.... as u can notice there are arguments,counter arguments,wishes and longings...all of it is there....when i start thinking abt my past days,i cannot stick to a particular set of ideas,like me my, thoughts are also wanderers......nomads......thats what i have tried to convey here..... :)
     
  5. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    No dude, I was talking about a 2 line lag between ideas and rhymes...mostly a technical aspect, sometimes aesthetic too...
    anyway ...
     
  6. metalhead_junky

    metalhead_junky New Member

    achi likhi hai kavita..
     

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