DREAM.......by me

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by westarend, Aug 12, 2005.

  1. westarend

    westarend New Member

    I slept thinking you were with me,
    i dreamt about the sky blue through the green tree.
    The spiral web i saw had dew drops,
    and heard the pony run clip-clop.

    After a while, i had to let go of my dream,
    the thought to see you again beside me,
    you and me under the blue tree,
    you resting on the green grass beside me.

    as soon as we heard the rain drop,
    you ran away from me-"clip-clop".
    missing you dearly i fell on my back,
    falling down on the green grass with my heart painted black.

    ( so.....how tis?)
    cYpHeR and $cReWdR!veR like this.
  2. $cReWdR!veR

    $cReWdR!veR .:: Sweetheart ::.

    hey nice...
  3. westarend

    westarend New Member

  4. westarend

    westarend New Member

    atleast somebody is commenting.........thanx SD........... and 18 ppl hav viewed and not even one person cant diss the stuff i hav written above........very dissapointing
  5. rocking_devil

    rocking_devil Banned

    @weaternd - wow!that was cool yaar!nice usage of words and rhyme! nice content!!keep up da gud work!
  6. cYpHeR

    cYpHeR Banned

    nice stuff dude...:rock: reps for ya...
  7. westarend

    westarend New Member

    thanx u guys.........i appreciate it......@devil, thanks 4 the compliments,dude, @cypher.....same to u,dude, thanx 4 the points too, same goes to screwdriver
  8. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    hey ... say thanx to nme too ... ;) ... jsut taht i cannpot rep u more than once and i have no points in my pocket ... all squandered away ...
  9. westarend

    westarend New Member

    no hard feelings dude.......thanx to u too. i think i thanked u in the other thread of mine "hate......". anyways.......many thanx to u too.....sorry,took a long time to reply, had gone out of station....witjh my pals.....
  10. Garima

    Garima Born to rule <img src="images/smilies/rule.gif" bo

    Hey...@westarend that was a gr8 poem. Well...its my 2nd day here & m impressed with everyboy's compositions that m reading. By the way guyz, which point u were talking about???
  11. bjr

    bjr Lady of the Evening

    The third verse spoilt it for me a bit..."clip-clop" is usually a phrase we use for cantering...perhaps for a horse, a donkey or any hoofed animal. You haven't mentioned it anywhere but I'm assuming that the "you" in the poem is a person of the opposite *** and the clip clop just makes me think of them as 4 legged.

    Another thing...why would your heart be painted black. "Black" would usually be a colour indicating rage...like Black as thunder. The rage I would associate with having my heart broken would be different...more frustration than rage I would imagine.

    Please note that I am only writing about what I thought was wrong with this....everything else that I left out is the part I enjoyed.
  12. shak

    shak Harrr!

    thanx for the satire .....^
    i'll be honest ..didnt like it much
  13. ssslayer

    ssslayer Banned

    dont get into that points business ... all wicked things as they say:
    dont get into the vicious circle ...
    stay away from money points ... anything coz money corrupts ... power corrupts ...
  14. westarend

    westarend New Member

    bjr, yeah, ur rite. the other one is the opp s**. well, black is the color of nothingness. so, the heart was filled with nothingness.

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