Doob raha hoon

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Aka Oz, Mar 7, 2006.

  1. Aka Oz

    Aka Oz /\K/\ - Ozy

    here are ma lyrics ...i juss wrote some line...plz do comment

    Teher raha hoon machliee ki tarah
    Bina manzil ..ik kashtii ki tarah

    teher tai hoain sitare ginraha hoon
    Roshni ki raah dekh raha hoon

    Doobta nadiyoon main apni ap ko
    aasman pai dekh raha hoon

    zindagi chin rahi hai or
    main doob hoon is jal main
  2. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    aree bacchee ... ok...if u dont know....what was that u wanted to say...u wrote but it some how went astray...u wanted to come back in the end lines but now it dosent just qualifies.......hmmm
    then u r the most deserving member of this forum :)....rewrite the above by writng the end lines first...jus do it and post i will surely comment then :)
  3. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    complete it.....first
  4. Aka Oz

    Aka Oz /\K/\ - Ozy

    yaar really i dnt hav tyme to think nd continue coz ma exams ahead...i juss wrote it in ma free period...i`ll try to continue...thx for commentin
  5. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    it was surely a nice attempt..but ending was a little abrupt...i second on ur ending im sure you can make it better! :)
  6. Aka Oz

    Aka Oz /\K/\ - Ozy

    thx vini bro
  7. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Hmm? :annoyed:
  8. Aka Oz

    Aka Oz /\K/\ - Ozy

    for his commentin :>
  9. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    Hmm? :annoyed:

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