debt....

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by astroguru26, May 16, 2006.

  1. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    Looking into her deep blue eyes
    and expressing the deep adorement
    of her presence in my life….

    Vindicating my true love and promise for being truthful
    Till eternity…i.wrote our name on the sand….
    To show the bliss we share…
    The affection through which we care….
    that makes us smile ….
    I hugged her deeply in my arms…
    Watching her eyes getting closed in immense satisfaction
    In my companionship..and radiancy of being loved in return…..
    Deceptively
    I took out my dagger
    And stabbed her at the back holding her in my arms…
    Killing her instantly…..

    Watching the sunset
    And seeing the tides washing away the name that we wrote few minutes back…..
    I smiled…..on myself for paying the debt
    That was due long time ago…
    When some one I adore stabbed on my faith…..
    Losing my faith forever on human emotions….

    I paid that debt which was due on my past …..
    By sacrificing now……my present

    Wailing on her lifeless body...for a second
    Making my face muscles strong….
    I walked on the blood stained pathway
    puffing the cigarette...

    Winning the battle that I lost ……
    feeling myself completely debt free of emotional trauma from the past...
     
    Babydoll likes this.
  2. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    *immensely confused*

















































    what happened??? :shock:
     
  3. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Hmmmm....Iam trying to figure out the prosody, since its a bit haphazard.
    But I can certainly make out the "trauma" of deceit.

    Good Work Bro.

     
  4. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    the main protagonist has faced deception in the previous relationship..there he could not give justice to the person for giving the teary nights...tit for tat
    theory
    the remorse was playing again in his mind ..this time he wants to pay the debt of tit for tat of previous relationship by killing present one...that was missed

    the murderous plot....


    nothing happened....why this question.....:p:
     
  5. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    thanks bro...for getting the theme ...
     
  6. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    good poem ....nice flow of thoughts till the end...
    BUT i dont like this BAdala kinda feeling....We all r essentially Humans and Visa versa....
    Ho ke majbuur munhe uss ne bulaya ho ga
    zaher dava jaan ke bhuule se pilaya ho ga !
     
  7. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member


    ask those the kind of feeling who are hurt in emotions like the protagonist......what type of song they think.....;)

    thanks for reading.....once again...
     
  8. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    waht im saying is my kinda thinking is more logical....me not completly sure..
    par hazaar sach mere uss jhooth ki barabari kar nahi sakte jo mere dil ko humesha kush kush rakhta hai u can call me a dreamer but ye dream bhi to kisi acchi cheej ki hi raah takta hai ....kide manta
     
  9. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member


    there are two things..logical thinking and confused thinking.....

    noone can convince anyone unless the person likes to be convinced ...
    for example...

    jo soya hua hai usko jagana bahut aashaan hota hai,par jo soye hue ka naatak kar raha ho ushe jagana bahut mushkil hai.....


    the protagonist cud not come out of the hate when he was cheated....thats why he could not be able to think out the mental block of hate....even being in love....

    u have your opinion and you like that..that more important....

    keep reading......:cool:

    rohit
     
    Amanush... likes this.
  10. Petunia

    Petunia terminally dorky

    LOL..i know what literally happened in the poem..but i mean wht made him write such a uncomfortable scene. Him suddenly jumping from a possible romantic-bollywood scene to a murderous crime..i dont know. it really didnt seem to flow smoothly..

    But it was unique..and thats what counts :grin:
     
  11. Amanush...

    Amanush... Tanha Rahi...!

    Well written...Rohit Ji ! I like the imagery

    Amanush...

    :)
     
  12. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member


    thanks for the compliments ....and please

    dont call me as rohit ji.......


    keep reading and writing.......
     
  13. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    wont differ with wat everyone said.. nice job...
     
  14. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member


    its not fair........:aggre:




    boss cannot find any thing to comment.....i cannot be so perfect i guess

    :think:
     
  15. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    boss is always right
     
  16. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member


    boss always gets boos...right or wrong

    :beer:
     
  17. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    boss dont like to spam..
    so............................
    *end of discussion*


    (there is thing called pm in igt.. use it..)
     
  18. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member


    boss like to escape the point by saying spam........

    boss will say enough..and close or delete the thread.....

    hitler type.....
     

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