This is not exactly poetry..more of a crappy attempt at death metal songs. It's pretty morbid so people with less sadistic thoughts are advised to not read/comment. Crushing Darkness Dark eyes of yours, they reflect your past The only rays of the sun falling on the instruments Attacking your body, this will not go unseen Parasitic hunger, I shall live on your pain now. Your lips draw a breath before being torn apart, Miles from each other; they will never speak together A muffled shriek lasted forever. Where was your soul when I screamed out your name? Where could you have been when the reaper called your name? There is no escape No suffering will drain away No gap for the pain to leak away. Your voiceless stare only provokes the thought a million years could’ve brought. The bloody throat slowly falls apart as I close my eyes And allow the Crushing Darkness to overcome. Just a first try..comment please
I culdnt make out much of it in first reading ...so had to read again again and ws forced to think... waht u wanted to say was something very simple but waht u said is wrapped in the complex sticky coweb of ur intelligence... whatever but this was just power packed ...may be culd have been more detaling ...atlest for biggners like me ...But ahh..! hw can i miss, this was ur first attempt ...too good !! keep rocking
hey man..thanks..didn't expect to get such a nice comment on my first go. I'll be doing another one soon..let's see how it goes
small suggestion ... if u want to write lyrics for song kinda thing then ...do makse sure to get some flow in ur words within lines not just the endings
Ahhhh finally gave writing a shot huh?Good! Firstly,I understood it!Considering my poor abilities at interpreting,I'm glad this one made sense to me!Ok so the theme is deep...nice work there.The depiction is fairly expressive.What I really liked was the fact that most of the poem is what meets the eye but then there are just some lines that go beyond and tell many things..like : 'Your voiceless stare only provokes the thought a million years could’ve brought.' Song,I don't know..but a mildly grotesque yet appealing write..something vaguely romantic and yet dark... Keep writing I must say!
heh thanks neo! feels really nice to have a positive comment from a great poet like you..i'll keep writing and post one again soon. thanks again!
you definitely have it in you. i think youre challenging yourself to think deep and that is a promising sign. Concentrate more on rhythm. Its the key to good poetry. I dont know but it seems like youre trying too hard to find words. Just let it flow man.
