Computer Jokes ,....

Discussion in 'Computer Forum' started by bob-bobby, Feb 23, 2005.

  1. bob-bobby

    bob-bobby Extinct or Banned!

    how can we miss out some humour over here , ...

    50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab!!!

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
    2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
    3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
    4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
    5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
    6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
    7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
    8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
    9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
    10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
    11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
    12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
    13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
    14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
    15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
    16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
    17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
    18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
    19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
    20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
    21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
    22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
    23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
    24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
    25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
    26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
    27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
    28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
    29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
    30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
    31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
    32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
    33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, humits note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
    34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
    35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
    36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
    37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
    38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
    39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
    40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
    41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
    42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
    43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
    44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
    45. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
    46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
    47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
    48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
    49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
    50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
  2. abhay_saxena

    abhay_saxena Lord of the strings

    he he that was real funny bob ... !! i love them . .. i work in a lab . . i'll try out some of them here ..
  3. nadish

    nadish Active Member

    I'm 2 young 2 die, thats y I'll try them at all :) If I try any of them, I'm sure Some1 will kill me. That's I'll not try them :):):):)
  4. Subhro

    Subhro Argentina lost :"(

    try them as well as not try them ? :think:.. 2 clevr 4 me.. :p:

    btw.. nice post bob.. although got 2 try them out frst... :)
  5. rizaaj

    rizaaj Forum Leader

    hahahahaha... too much bobby .. nice one..

    i was wondering if you have ever tried one of those... if yes, wich one and what was the result?
  6. daffodil

    daffodil bright little flower

    sorry for spamming :p:

    If the I.T. industry starts producing movies?? :eek:)

    Some Film titles may be like :

    · Login Karo Sajana
    · Har Din Jo Mail Karega
    · Network Ke Us Paar
    · Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
    · Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
    · Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
    · Client Ek Numbari , Programmer Dus Numbari
    · Crash Tho Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
    · Naukar PC Ka
    · 1942 -- A Bug Story
    · Kaho Na Virus Hai
    · Crash Se Crash Thak
    · Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
    · Password De Ke Dekho
    · Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
    · Mr. Network Lal
    · Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
    · Hackers' Ka Raja , Debuggers' Ki Rani
    · Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
    · Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
    · Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
    · Aao Chat Kare
    · Programmer No.1
    · Mera Naam Developer
    · Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
    · Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
    · Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
    · Tera Code Chal Gaya
    rizaaj likes this.
  7. rizaaj

    rizaaj Forum Leader

    cool one daffy.. still laughing .. great ones..
  8. Subhro

    Subhro Argentina lost :"(

    spammin is our birthright and we shall hav it :p:

    and nice post daff :)
    espclly the last one was 2 good..
    tera code chal gaya ... :) :)
  9. rizz

    rizz *Always 420*

    WhAt A PoSt Dfdil....i like 3...
    1.Tera Code Chal Gaya
    2.Crash Tho Hona Hi Tha

    3.Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein ***HAHAHAHOHOHOHEHEHEHE***
  10. Sanjay Mazumder

    Sanjay Mazumder ~..::MASTERMIND::..~

    @bob, so U wanna Mess With People in a Computer Lab! :mad:
  11. jayswami

    jayswami Blue J

    once in my unix lab, this cute chinese girl came to me with a doubt. she asked me if i know how to finger.........

    and before u pervs start having nasty thoughts.. let me jsut say that I showed her the bird , and said this is how u finger :p:

    she never came to me for help again.

  12. Sanjay Mazumder

    Sanjay Mazumder ~..::MASTERMIND::..~ :)

    What did U think she would go to U again?
  13. Subhro

    Subhro Argentina lost :"(

    lol daffs.. i got the stuff u postd as mail fwd yestrday.. thr were some more too.. in addn 2 those u alrdy postd..

    1) (Server) DOWN to hona hi tha
    2)* Partition (Deewar)
    3) Logon ( Lagaan )!
    4) Shaheed Hacker Singh
    5) Hacker 420
  14. Sanjay Mazumder

    Sanjay Mazumder ~..::MASTERMIND::..~

    laptop ke liye kuch bhi karega
  15. guns n roses

    guns n roses Pro Guitarist

    i got kicked for putting a whole mouse in my mouth.

    then i threw a mosue across the room at an innocent girl hoping to make friends (jk bout the frends parT)

    got kicked again

    I got in trouble for graffiting on a monitor.
  16. Nanda

    Nanda Bassist

    Nice one hope you dont mind if i steal it and pass it around
  17. 6string_addict

    6string_addict * Addicted Guitarist * <img src="http://www.indian

    here's little one from me... :p:
    An Computer Addict... :cool:
    An artist, a lawyer, and a computer addict programmer are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

    :rock: :rock: :rock:

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