Can we post Non Veg Jokes

:RollLol: :RollLol: :RollLol: :RollLol:
YEAH , Globalization :rock:

 

Law for Engg Students....
*****************************
A perfect Law for an Engg Student..
'At constant bed room temprature the length of the ROD is directly propotional to the depth of the HOLE'

 

Teacher-student encounters..
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Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else.
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.

Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Waiter : Would you like your coffee black.
Customer : What other colours do you have?

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Pupil: Did you know that the most intelligent person is going deaf?
Teacher: Really. Who is it?
Pupil : Pardon.

Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Patient: What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor: One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.

Teacher: 'Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?'
One Student : 'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime.'
Teacher: ' George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?'
One Student: ' Because George still had the axe in his hand.'

 

Indian Viruses
*************
The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India.
Better beware of them.

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:
First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before
executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times
and finally does nothing.

V.P. Singh Virus:
This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them
only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used
instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions.
This virus is also known as social justice virus.

Sukh Ram Virus:
This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and
then executes them.

Maneka Gandhi Virus:
This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were
written by vegetarians or animals.

L.K. Advani Virus:
This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can
continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.

K.P.S. Gill Virus:
Only ladies need to worry about this virus.Every now and then the
users get a whack, you know where.

Phoolan Devi Virus:
This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page
faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s
birthday.

Deve Gowda Virus:
The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all
the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request
for resources,and allocates them irrespective of whether they are
available or not.

Jayalalitha Virus:
This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus
family grab as much of hard disk space as possible,while the main virus is
totally unaware of it. When everything stops working,this virus
blames the user for the whole chaos.

I.K.Gujral Virus:
Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the
approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses
blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not
execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always,
this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all
major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the
replies.
Veerappan virus:
This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and
releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but
suddenly reappears.
Laloo Yadav virus:
A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the
data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation,it will rename
its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus
takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.
Mulayam Virus:
Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only
task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by
sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.

Sonia Gandhi Virus:
Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can
detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people
use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.

Kashi-Maya Virus:
It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination
amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority
resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it.
Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

 

:rule: :rule: :RollLol: :RollLol: :RollLol: :RollLol:

 

Soft(ware) hubby!
******************
Conversation between husband and wife:
The husband is a computer freak!
Husband: Evening dear, I'm now logged in!
Wife : Have you brought the ring?
Husband : Bad Command or file name.
Wife : But I had told you in the morning......
Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife : What about my diwali saree?
Husband : Variable not found...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters.
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : A true case of data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : It's by DEFAULT.
Wife : What about your salary?
Husband : File in use.
Wife : Who was in the car this morning?
Husband : System is unstable press CTRL ALT DEL to reboot.

 

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar(India) was
transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty
two days after actual date of joining. Consequently He was
asked for explanation in writing . . .

Here he goes...

Deer sur,

"This is my first vijit to Bombai. If small small mijtakes get
inside my letter, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to
joint your ijcool more fastly, but for the following reajon,
too much time lost in getting slipper rejervation in
three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket to I
and my sun. I put complaint on station master. He said I to go
to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her
for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a
birth only to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master
because he was rejponjible for getting birth of my sun. I hope
u will see my whole story and late me first time I am now
ending this fastly.

May God blast you!"

 

some lefty jokes

**********************************************************

Conversation over dinner:

A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he play my guitar ?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
**********************************************************

 

here we go again ::
*****************************************************************
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked...
"doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"

Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him,
"What makes you say God did this with his left hand?".

"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

*****************************************************************

 

more:
*****************************************************************

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Blind Tom of the Wild Left-Handed Monkey Boys.
Blind Tom of the Wild Left-Handed Monkey Boys, who?
What, how many Blind Tom of the Wild Left-Handed Monkey Boys do you know?

***********************

A guy invented a left-handed hammer. Didn't Sell. No left-handed nails

***********************

 

:secret: :hitme:

 

Me too!!
********
A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton. The instructor told Mori ' Prime Minister, when you shake hands with President Clinton, please say 'how are you.' Then Mr Clinton should say 'I am fine, and you ?' Now you should say 'me too.' Afterwards we translators will do all the work for you.' It looks quite simple, but the truth is ...
When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said 'Who Are You?'
Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor : 'Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha...'
Then Mori replied confidently 'Me too, Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room

 

This Was Supposed To Be 'bout Non Veg Jokes!!
I Think!!!