burning desires....

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by astroguru26, Jan 4, 2006.

  1. astroguru26

    astroguru26 New Member

    few words..
    a little ..a hiss
    a whisper
    and all even....

    only presence
    mattered for
    making the things
    right even its just through the words...

    small attitude
    small understanding

    once we grow close
    micro developed into macro
    pores becomes transparent..
    attitude becomes orthodox
    clamour goes unheard
    smile were for advantage
    presence irrevelant
    mood swings...agrumentative mindset

    cracked appeared
    between those soulmate
    those heartful promises of being for each other

    whole world
    started sinking like titanic
    helplessly watching
    and talking to myself
    dont shed your precious tears
    show must go on...worst is yet to come
    try to forgive...

    but sobbing in pillows
    with deep scares
    for the face off with truth
    for the belief i lost....

    your comments are catalyst for me

  2. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    i wonder... who inspired to wrote such?
  3. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    i didnt like it... i especially didnt like the use of the word 'megasize'

    while i was reading i felt as if i was taking unneccessary gaps and breaks.. didnt like the structure.

    didnt really 'feel' it...

    having read ur other poems, i'm sure u can do better :)
  4. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    seems u edited ur this poem too.... now it contents more hurt.. good one..
    but rohit... when u edit poem tell us... or post it again in same thread.. how we r supposed to know otherwise..
    btw..its good.... (but not best frm u..for sure)
  5. vishwa_81us

    vishwa_81us Banned

    i liked it..
  6. CrYpTiC_angel

    CrYpTiC_angel Rebelle!

    i'm an idiot when it comes to reading edited versions of the same poem :eek:: my brain doesnt register the changes or smthng!

    does seem somewhat better though.. :eek::

Share This Page