' Because Today I Have Told You Goodbye...! '

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Amanush..., May 6, 2006.

  1. Amanush...

    Amanush... Tanha Rahi...!

    Your unfounded excessive jealousy
    has induced my innocent love’s steps
    on the narrow path of suicide…
    Allow the hand that wrote so many
    Words of love to wave a last farewell...!

    Because today I have told you goodbye

    I will have to change the password
    that I had invented for you...
    because today I have told you goodbye

    I will have to learn how to cry
    to beg sleep to come and embrace me,
    to look in the dark for the fireflies...
    because today I have told you goodbye

    I will face memories,
    those sudden merciless violent ones
    I will relive gestures and moments
    allowing them to hurt me
    without any defence on my behalf...
    because today I have told you goodbye

    I will pick up every new day
    flowers withered by the sun
    of a disorientated season...
    I will find again colours and songs
    along with lost inspirations
    to gather rhymes for those poems...
    because today I have told you goodbye

    I will live only the time until
    your life will go out of mine...
    because today I have told you goodbye


  2. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    iam amazed that no one has replied till now...i wonder why.

    poem lacks flow but somehow conveys the message.
    must say....nice one.
  3. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Care to explain the lack of flow bit?
    @Amanush, truly beautiful theme. I thought the poem flowed well, well enough to be looked at as a complete song on it's own. Do you write music? If not you really need to get someone to write music for this song, beautiful work. You justify your title.
  4. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Iam not too big a poet to put it in words but its something I felt while reading it.
    Something u said is what u perceive.and perceptions differ.

  5. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^I refute that statement. You do not need to be a poet to put what you feel into words. And this is not an abstract concept too. It's a perfectly qualitative comment (or feeling as you put it) and can be translated into words. Well i am perfectly ok with perceptions differing, i would like you to elucidate your perception that's all. Dont bother if it's too much work.
  6. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    ok this is what i think...

    there are few words that break the flow such as "password", instead of "code" can be used.then line "told you goodbye", instead of this " i bid adieu" can be used.and there are more.

    Its true that u need not be a poet to put what u feel into words, but you shd have some poetic sense to make world feel that wat u feel.
    It doesnt mean Amanush was any bad....he has done an excellent job.
    Enuff of my explanation.
    thxs for asking anyway.

  7. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^Dont you think that the words you use depend on the context of the poem? 'Code' can be a potential 'flow-breaker' in another setting. 'I bid adieu' is just a fancy way of saying what the poet actually said. So substituting fancy words into the poetic meter to continue the flow is what you're advocating? I refute the statement about poetic sense. I have none and i express my ideas completely through prose and i dont think anyone here has a problem with my expression. Besides, this was a mixed free verse poem and i dont think the flow matters that much. Both of us agree on one thing for sure, Amanush did a wonderful job. Dont take all this argument personally, i totally get what you're saying, it's just the debate club side of me coming out.
  8. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    hey chill dude i aint taking this argument personally at all....its just a healthy discussion...too bad the poet isnt involved himself.

    as i told u thats the way i see world from my eyes so perceptions differ.

  9. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^I hope i didnt come across as being heated (that happens in different circumstances). Healthy discussion is just right, we should post this up as an example of carrying on discussions. And we fall into a nice little conundrum when you talk about perceptions. Both of us have different perspectives, whose set of perceptions are right? I guess we'll never know, cheers hombre.
  10. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    cheers mate.
  11. madhuresh

    madhuresh madhuresh

    look in the dark for the fireflies...
    Very fresh....
    all in all good attempt....
    magar puch nahi hai ?
  12. abhimanjrekar

    abhimanjrekar ----> Zhol-Man<----

    hey buddy nice one there....
  13. **Rani**

    **Rani** --DawnyGal--

    I will live only the time until
    your life will go out of mine...
    because today I have told you goodbye

    i like these lineeeeeeeeeeeees aman
    keep oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon :)
  14. vini

    vini Repeat Offender

    liked the theme!! :)

    good one..as usual!
  15. .:SpY_GaMe:.

    .:SpY_GaMe:. New Member

    i am not a lot into poetry but this one was really nice

    bad luck we dont have more users from mauritius lol

    i already donated u some points n repped u

    keep on the good work dude :rock:
  16. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    typical amanush standard.. do i need to say in words??
  17. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^I guess the question is can you?
  18. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.


  19. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^lol, i appreciate your candor
  20. koolstrum

    koolstrum The Chosen One

    What I know is that this is incidently quite close to my reality and I am impressed by the work.

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