' Because Today I Have Told You Goodbye...! '

Your unfounded excessive jealousy
has induced my innocent love’s steps
on the narrow path of suicide…
Allow the hand that wrote so many
Words of love to wave a last farewell...!

Because today I have told you goodbye

I will have to change the password
that I had invented for you...
because today I have told you goodbye

I will have to learn how to cry
to beg sleep to come and embrace me,
to look in the dark for the fireflies...
because today I have told you goodbye

I will face memories,
those sudden merciless violent ones
I will relive gestures and moments
allowing them to hurt me
without any defence on my behalf...
because today I have told you goodbye

I will pick up every new day
flowers withered by the sun
of a disorientated season...
I will find again colours and songs
along with lost inspirations
to gather rhymes for those poems...
because today I have told you goodbye

I will live only the time until
your life will go out of mine...
because today I have told you goodbye

Amanush...

 

iam amazed that no one has replied till now...i wonder why.

poem lacks flow but somehow conveys the message.
must say....nice one.

 

^Care to explain the lack of flow bit?
@Amanush, truly beautiful theme. I thought the poem flowed well, well enough to be looked at as a complete song on it's own. Do you write music? If not you really need to get someone to write music for this song, beautiful work. You justify your title.

 

Iam not too big a poet to put it in words but its something I felt while reading it.
Something u said is what u perceive.and perceptions differ.

 

^I refute that statement. You do not need to be a poet to put what you feel into words. And this is not an abstract concept too. It's a perfectly qualitative comment (or feeling as you put it) and can be translated into words. Well i am perfectly ok with perceptions differing, i would like you to elucidate your perception that's all. Dont bother if it's too much work.

 

ok this is what i think...

there are few words that break the flow such as "password", instead of "code" can be used.then line "told you goodbye", instead of this " i bid adieu" can be used.and there are more.

Its true that u need not be a poet to put what u feel into words, but you shd have some poetic sense to make world feel that wat u feel.
It doesnt mean Amanush was any bad....he has done an excellent job.
Enuff of my explanation.
thxs for asking anyway.

 

^Dont you think that the words you use depend on the context of the poem? 'Code' can be a potential 'flow-breaker' in another setting. 'I bid adieu' is just a fancy way of saying what the poet actually said. So substituting fancy words into the poetic meter to continue the flow is what you're advocating? I refute the statement about poetic sense. I have none and i express my ideas completely through prose and i dont think anyone here has a problem with my expression. Besides, this was a mixed free verse poem and i dont think the flow matters that much. Both of us agree on one thing for sure, Amanush did a wonderful job. Dont take all this argument personally, i totally get what you're saying, it's just the debate club side of me coming out.

 

hey chill dude i aint taking this argument personally at all....its just a healthy discussion...too bad the poet isnt involved himself.

as i told u thats the way i see world from my eyes so perceptions differ.

 

^I hope i didnt come across as being heated (that happens in different circumstances). Healthy discussion is just right, we should post this up as an example of carrying on discussions. And we fall into a nice little conundrum when you talk about perceptions. Both of us have different perspectives, whose set of perceptions are right? I guess we'll never know, cheers hombre.

 

cheers mate.

 

look in the dark for the fireflies...
Very fresh....
all in all good attempt....
magar puch nahi hai ?

 

hey buddy nice one there....

 

I will live only the time until
your life will go out of mine...
because today I have told you goodbye

i like these lineeeeeeeeeeeees aman
keep oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

 

liked the theme!!

good one..as usual!

 

i am not a lot into poetry but this one was really nice



bad luck we dont have more users from mauritius lol


i already donated u some points n repped u


keep on the good work dude :rock:

 

typical amanush standard.. do i need to say in words??

 

^I guess the question is can you?

 

No


........

 

^lol, i appreciate your candor

 

What I know is that this is incidently quite close to my reality and I am impressed by the work.