Well this one is special ! I want you to be on my side, in all my high rises and downslide. I want you to be in front of my face, till I get to the end of this race. I want you to always be with me, in every part of life I see. In all my life's dilemmal state, just guide me to the right gate. Whichever choices I make, shoud be able to give whatever it take. O! my almighty I want you to be on my side, in all my high rises and downslide. With all your blessings and grace, help me, in this life of never-ending chase. O! my almighty I want you to be on my side, in the life-sea's low and high tide. Shower your love and care, so a sweet smile my face could wear. O! my almighty I want you to be on my side Life is a maze; you be my guide. I should never be afraid and fade. If life is tough, help me walk this blade. If life is short, help me live it wide. Make me happy, just by being on my side. I don't ask for easy tasks but strength for every difficult one. I don't ask for simple life. but wisdom to make it a simpler one As life is one big roller-coaster ride, so please always ...be on my side. Max who else
nice job. da 2nd para and the 3rd para cud have been different.those ups and down ,blessings ,care.....good job though once again.
Thanx mate Well the whole poem is conveying the same idea... with different words..of course those ups and downs are a part of every para...
In the first verse, you seem to be trying a bit too hard to stay in the rhyme scheme, the lines come out as a bit forced. Also, honestly, 'my high rises and downslides' doesn't make sense, nor is 'dilemmal' a word but that one's not really a problem. Im really liking the last two verses though. You could consider making the 'afraid and fade' line a little better, but other than that those two verses flow quite well.
Well, the lines in first verse are repetitive and simple rhymes... meaning more or less the same... may be thats y seemed to be forced. dnt take 'my high rises and downslide' in literal sense, just means success & failure/ happy & sad times and its well understood here... and yup i knw 'dilemmal' is not a word... i used 'dilemmatic state' but changed to dilemmal... pls dont mind that. this actually is not just a poem its a prayer... and certain liberties i took to make it personal.....thanx for ur comments
