Hi Folks, I am posting another ghazal for you. This one is my latest creation. Hope you will like it. Also give your comments, how do you feel after reading this. Here it goes: IS UMRA KI DASTAN KUCHH AJEEB HAI DARAZ HO JITNI, MAUT UTNI HI KAREEB HAI MUTTHI ME SIMTA ZARRA BAHA CHALA JO RAHA GAYA HAI WO APNA HI NASEEB HAI DO LAFZ UNKI TAREEF ME KEH DO KUCHH SHAKHS YAHAN ZUBAN SE GAREEB HAI TUTE KANCH SE TAULLUKAT NA RAKHNA HUM SE SAU AKS ME PEHCHANE YE KAUN AZEEZ HAI MEHFIL SE AB YARON RUKHSAT LE CHALO DUSHAMANO KO SAMBHALEN, WAKIF-E-TEHZEEB HAI N-joy........ kordz :rock:
Well written pal .. Hats off to this sher .. DO LAFZ UNKI TAREEF ME KEH DO KUCHH SHAKHS YAHAN ZUBAN SE GAREEB HAI U improved a Lot i must say But pal This time u missed another important rule which i hadn't posted in ur other ghazal thread .. da rule of "Kaafiyaa" Da "Radeef"(Last word of every second line of each sher should be SAME) is "HAI" in ur ghazal .. good! .. but da word(s) jz before da Radeef are known as "KAAFIYA" n they should be RHYMING .. e.g in ur ghazal .. all da words which are right before HAI are da kaafiyaas .. viz Ajeeb, Kareeb, Naseeb, Tehzeeb .. but da Kaafiyaa of da 4th sher is not rhymin .. azEEZ is not a rhymin word to Ajeeb, kareeb etc.. are u gettin me ?? jz a li'l more discipline n u'l be like great also i find a hitch wid this line TUTE KANCH SE TAULLUKAT NA RAKHNA HUM SE this line ain't makin grammatical sense to me .. i think dat word should be HUMEY ?? U might be sayin HAATH DHO KAR PEECHE PAD GAYA HAI yeh .. but pal .. knowledge is power n it'l help no one but US
Ek Baar Padhiye Aur Bataiye HEY PPL, I WORKED OUT THIS POEM/GHAZAL AND I HAD PUT MY EFFORTS. GO THROUGH IT AND ADD YOUR COMMENTS/VOTE. I HARDLY GOT A FEW REPLIES. COMM-ON LET ME KNOW UR VIEWS. M WAITING. :think: KORDZ :think:
