Ad Infinitum

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by Loopy Fruit, Mar 11, 2006.

  1. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    Scared for my life
    Running through the streets
    Buildings crumbling
    The ground shaking beneath my feet

    Running out of breath now
    A sudden flash of light
    I can feel the excruciating heat
    I fall, to get up, I fight

    A dead limb and burnt skin
    I pull myself forward with my arms
    Away from the falling debris
    Trying to get away from the way of harm

    But what lies ahead
    No better than what's behind
    Another flash of light and I faint
    I wake up to find

    It was all a nightmare
    Frighteningly real though
    I slowly walk to the window
    And open it to feel the wind blow

    And as I leave my home for work
    A loud explosion I hear
    I look around to see my world fall apart
    I feel it again, the fear

    Again I run as fast as I can
    Flashes of light and unbearable heat I feel
    To the ground, again I fall
    And this time too, it feels real

    And once again I faint
    And wake up in my room
    But when I leave my home
    I can see my own doom

    Stuck for eternity
    In this recursive dream
    The worst part is I'm aware of it all
    And all I can really do, is scream
    shsnawada likes this.
  2. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    Is it too long?
  3. nimisha

    nimisha .:Forum Leader:.

    naa its not too long...
    afte ur earlier poem...reading this second crap...
    n again i felt like nice;)

    it starts excellently....n the concept of recursive dream is too good...
    last two stanzas seems ending the poem abruptly... u cud have streched it more..
    all in all...good job..!
  4. mr singh

    mr singh New Member

    really gud, loopyfruit... read ur otha poem aswell, tht ws kl, :)
    i think this 1 is betta, although as nimisha sed, the endin does com kinda abruptly... still gud tho
    well done
  5. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    @Nimisha- Thanks! and u can cut the "crap" crap now, hardly funny anymore. I have my friend to thank for the concept, but the rest is all me :) Thanks again

    @mr singh- Thanks a lot man, lol, ur id somehow seems to command respect :p
  6. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Another gud one from you....but somehow ends in a sadistic tone...nthng wrong with that.....i think you can add another stanze at end.
  7. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    Even I was thinking of adding another stanza.. 9 stanzas dont look too good :S
    10 would be better........
  8. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    Well Loopy is not abt the count but the flow of expression.....sometimes u can express "a world" in one stanza and sometimes even a dozen is not enough.

  9. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    True.. I'm just not in the right frame of mind to make sense right now.
    So will write later hopefully.
  10. shsnawada

    shsnawada Cyborgs & Pasta

    Reminds me of somebody, dont know whom :think:

    Nice poem btw... Youre pretty damn excellent for a n00b
  11. BubblyMartini

    BubblyMartini !!!HAWM

    its good you posted your poem..and not referred to as crap..never do that!!!:)
    how old is this one?

    the presentation is nice..
    since the sujbject himself seems confused you have done justice in reflecting that in the poem
    potrayal of some emotions is quite hard
    people may have all the concepts and all the ideas,but it sure is hard to put it paper..
    wont ask you if this is inspired by real incidents and dont even tell me that
    what i perceive is a recurring emotion cycle the person follows.. and that lasts forever ie. Ad infinitum- (i also liked the title btw)

    Good job!

    PS- whats with your username?:)
  12. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Ha ............. nicely captured.
    Infact I used to think a lot about these Recursive dreams?

    What are they called? Lucid Dreams?
    Some one help me with the correct term.
  13. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    @shsnawada- Thank you... I had to actually copy-paste your ID, it's so confusing!
    So, you mean to say "n00b"s cant write like that?
  14. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    Thank you Bubbly, I had been waiting for your reply :)
    I like how you read "into" the poem!
    And my user name, LOL, well, I was talking about "Fruity Loops" which is a software to a friend while registering... so, now you know :D
    This one's new! Wrote it today only :)
  15. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    Thanks, I don't know what they're actually called, which is why I used the term "recursive"!
  16. shsnawada

    shsnawada Cyborgs & Pasta

    Well, yeah. The only first timer that i've seen which kicks ass was disturbed's poem.

    ps: Dont worry, you'll get used to my username. Just takes time. :beer:
  17. apurbajd

    apurbajd ~#$&*$@*^$

    ^^ I liked that ...... nicely written dude.........
  18. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    Well, I'm a first timer only on IGT. In reality I write a lot and have been writing for a while.

    Thanks again :)
  19. Loopy Fruit

    Loopy Fruit New Member

    Thank you very much!
  20. d_ist_urb_ed

    d_ist_urb_ed Genuflect b*tches!

    ^ *sings I lovey loopy and dances *

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