Eric Johnson plays chords on one string. Eric Johnson walked into a guitar store and every guitar tuned itself. Eric Johnson's nut is made from the horn of the last unicorn who willingly donated it. Eric Johnson invented nylon for his picks, then gave the rights to Dupont because nothing else could ever be made useful of it. Eric Johnson gets reverb from his fingers. Eric Johnson doesn't use cables, his amplifiers broadcast the music on their own free will. Eric Johnson's tone was the equation on the chalkboard in Good Will Hunting. Joe Satriani had hair and Steve Vai was bald before Eric Johnson joined G3. Eric Johnson played lead guitar for the Big Bang. Helen Keller saw Eric Johnson's instructional videos, and found hearing and sight unnecessary afterwards. Evangelicals and evolutionists agree on one point, Eric Johnson is the reason why humans have ears. He can tell the type and grade of coal being burned at the power plant with his amp on standby!!! Eric Johnson's tone is what was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction Locking tuners were invented as a means to prevent Eric Johnson's strings from fleeing his presence. Eric Johnson can tell if a dog whistle is out of pitch. Eric Johnson's blood cord was attached to his mother and a Marshall/Fender rig. The tone is not in his fingers... It's in his little finger.. Eric Johnson's amps aren't shipped with "master volume". They say "Volume, Master?" instead.
