now that my songwriting skills have improved (thanks to bjr ), i'll be writing more often to work on my lyrics. The night is nearing Still yearning for more With pale stones for my grave A shattered ending Is clearing up my head Her words so far from the truth Each and every lie Indecisive wounds scatter my thoughts A painful gift wrapped in ebony She falls in my eyes So below A love that equals blasphemy The end of our perfect world Feed on my grief Friction between our shallow hearts Never to be the same No more innocence from my side We gaze into each other’s eyes And witness our own demise Beyond this world if you follow me No compassion will you ever feel Beyond the words that are drowning me You expect to be so real, such a lie. Bodies intertwined, no caring in this world We’ve come to recognize our fall In a world so evil as yours Lust can hardly be a sin How long will it last? A symphony of loss Keeping aside the pains A tyrant’s misgivings Our shadows still moving How long will it last? There will be no more innocence from my side Not naïve anymore to your empty heart We gaze into each other’s eyes Sum up and end these ruthless ties. i wrote this a while back but i guess i'll start posting with this coz my recent ones aren't coming that good... feedback is very much appreciated !
i liked reading the lines ... they are good .. as a feedback i would say " work on the composition of individual lines ...most of them are quite odinary"... What ever but... i love the loftyness in gloomy style of writing ... so my final word is ur too gud with this style keep posting
believe me u write so good...i just love scheme-less rhymes. or at least i hate AABB ABAB ABCB etc.. i wish i had a local friend like u.. good job and there is nothing to be called ordinary ( even if i'm a beginner m sure ) ....for me, lyrics should have simplicity and emotion...u've put both of them beautifully....man u rock..
heh somehow i completely forgot i posted this and didn't see the comments thanks to everyone for their feedback! especially harmonizer who praises me too much : @nandy i don't think lyrics always need extraordinary stuff ..i'm not writing poetry here just something i can sing (or growl or shout) with the guitar riffs that i write @alpha vaguely resembles a real-life experience i guess but i wish it didn't >_>
OMG i completely missed that there 2 women on this forum now! mistook monica for nandy..can't blame me knowing IGT's been a male stampede for so long @monica thank you very very much. @alpha how can you tell i've learnt? besides, what about the 36591 other life lessons queued up to our death? maybe learning is meant to be fun after all
I quite liked it. A little dramatic for my tastes but I think that's an age thing? I loved writing like this not very long ago. The imagery is very nice! and <3 for the acknowledgement. When do I get a recording?
there seems to be a misquote in your signature ! maybe after that's fixed...? btw do you think we have enough members active here to have song recording competitions like we used to have? and would you participate yourself if we did? i (and i'm sure others too) need some incentive here to work harder X_X
haha, I just read that yesterday. I kid you not! I wouldn't participate in a competition but I will post recordings anyway.
Its good for a song. Poetry...mebbe wud need a bit refinement...mebbe connections/coherence between adjacent lines..