Killing Time...

Discussion in 'Poetry and Lyrics Forum' started by rickkkyrich, Apr 5, 2010.

  1. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    This is my first post here...it portrays a very sadist attitude... but thats how i'm leading my life...at least as of now..

    Killing Time...
    I wonder wats goin on wrong
    Why i'm always being frowned upon
    Why's everythin slipping out of my hands

    Why can't i walk straight anymore
    Why i'm always on a mind tour
    The world's spinning around me and i'm the axis

    Nothing seems to chime
    I'm robbed of every single dime
    The world has made me grime
    I'm good for nothin but...
    Killing time...

    I hate the word interesting
    Everything in my life's so disgusting
    I wanna fly but the sky seems to be coming down

    I don't wanna see the light
    I like the darkness of graphite
    Every color of my life have fallen into the night

    All i have is wine
    Thats my favourite pastime
    Mixing vodka with lime
    I'm good for nothin but...
    Killing time...
     
  2. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    good in shades

    I think it my duty to give you a authentic criticism for your post rather than just " well done" and "keep posting".

    Your subject is intriguing and first couple of stanzas are good however it seems you fell in trap of "forced rhyming" and made up lines even though you dint believe in them.

    Write abstract so that it atleast help you to be you. Please do away with last para as it totally doesn't sync with rest at all.

    Keep writing and let it come even if it takes days.
     
  3. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    maybe u're about right about the forced rhyming thing.. but i mean each and every line i've written...nothin is exaggerated.. i'll try to make it better though..
     
  4. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    compare to this:

    Sound of gunfire comes through the night
    Killing and hatred, it's a terrible sight
    Reports come in of the heavy attack
    Message received, we're moving back

    Preparations are made for the journey back
    It's a survival, supplies are packed
    No more nights in this eternal hell
    Destination is simple, we move out

    Killing time - you left from the line
    Killing time - your turn to kill
    Killing time - what do you say?
    Killing time - aha, killing time

    Ingenuity needed to keep us alive
    No time for cowardice, kill and survive
    Like a killer kid with a switchblade knife
    Nasty word, he'll take your life

    The silence is over, they attack again
    Killing and hatred drive me insane
    Reports come in of a heavy attack
    Message received, we're moving back

    Killing time - you left from the line
    Killing time - your turn to kill
    Killing time - what do you say?
    Killing time - aha, killing time

    Sound of gunfire comes through the night
    Killing and hatred, it's a terrible sight
    Reports come in of a heavy attack
    Message received, we're moving back

    Ingenuity needed to keep us alive
    No time for cowardice, kill and survive
    Like a killer kid with a switchblade knife
    Nasty word, he'll take your life

    Killing time - you left from the line
    Killing time - your turn to kill
    Killing time - what do you say?
    Killing time - aha, killing time
     
  5. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    the theme is different ... but its very very well written ... no comparison
     
  6. walk_alone

    walk_alone **~~| An Atheist |~~**

    @ alpha1 .. there is absolutely no need to compare the compositions
    there is a sea of difference between both of them.


    @ rickkkyrich .. keep writing untill something inside you yells "perfect"
     
  7. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    point taken sir... thnx for ur suggestion...
     
  8. horsesmouth

    horsesmouth Active Member

    i read the two at the same time
    why do i think both of 'em rhyme?

    :)
    does seem force-rhym'd, but
    good 1 though, alwyZ good 2 xprez urself
     
  9. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

    awesome! loved it!
     
  10. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

    Nicely written dude!!!!!!
     
  11. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

  12. aryasridhar

    aryasridhar New Member

  13. nandy0894

    nandy0894 New Member

  14. alpha1

    alpha1 I BLUES!

    Disclaimer to my original post: The comparison was not about the style of writing or the skill involved.
    It was about the theme.

    Killing time for one person ... compared to killing time for another.


    *BTW the song I posted is "killing time" by Sweet Savage covered by Metallica.
     
  15. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Danke !!! :]
     
  16. rickkkyrich

    rickkkyrich Guest

    Oh certainly yes..
     
  17. fairandlovely

    fairandlovely peeka-boo

    I dont like your potrayal of yourself as a victim of circumstances. Maybe your the one spinning and the world is actually standing still?
     

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